Payroll Employee Gifts

'Cheer up, Mr. Laping. It's only until the fishing season is over.'

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

'Our parents were replaced by machines - We'll be replaced with new software.'

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

'You'll like this, gang ? it's an 'eyes-only' list of 'shady-but-tolerated' loopholes allowed by the Securities and Exchange Commission.'

Come in, minion. What's up, boss? I'm writing a novel. It's a thriller about an intrepid caf

"I spent all day learning productivity hacks"

We should take a break. Ron's eyes have turned into spinning rainbow wheels.

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

'I'll be late for dinner, dear, I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

Boss's Desk Says No!

'Take two tablets the moment you begin to feel indispensable.'

"When faced with a tricky ethical issue, I always ask the question, 'What's in it for me?'"

'No, your guess isn't as good as mine.'

"Be patient. He'll have to visit the water cooler sooner or later."

"I'm going to need a little more for the root cause than, who'da thunk."

I'm going to practice on you before I start managing other people.

"He's not really much of a leader...he just has a lot of followers."

Business meeting, CEO is dressed strangely as he asks: 'Any questions?'

At first I thought it was just coincidence, but then I realized it corresponded directly to your shift.

"Hmmm ... that's interesting. Now, what about ideas that don't suck - do you have any of those?"

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

'Is that the sweet smell of success or some imitation air freshener?'

"That report on corporate redundancy... I'd like it in triplicate."

Sign - Halt manager crossing

Working hours.

Employee won't think about work outside of box

A disgruntled employee chain-sawes hois boss's desk in two.Boss says:'Alright Smith, I'll stop referring to the employees as 'oopsy daisies'.'