Payroll Aficionado Pillows

"Business has been so good that I can now pay you a salary...mom!"

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

I'm not making enough money to like you.

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

Sheep Ledger

'Yes,we have equal pay in that we are grossly underpaid, all of us.'

"Which tax bracket are you looking to avoid?"

"I never said they were well-compensated. I just said they were paid handsomely."

"No, a dressing down day isn't an opportunity to bollock the staff."

"You're in luck...I've unearthed those payroll records from 3 years ago."

'Are you the genius who came up with the 'Alternative Payment' program?'

'Maybe we should have been a bit more specific in the ad...'

Human Resources Dept: Full time/part time/over time/time and a half/time out.

'I LOVE the smell of cooked books.'

"Here's your paycheck. I hope we'll both find it amusing."

'Worldcon' - financial statement fraud exposed.

'I take it you're looking to some extra hours!'

'I've reconsidered your request for a pay rise, and I've decided that you do deserve one after all.'

Bureau of Missing Persons, "He works flextime and we have direct deposit, so it took me a few months to notice he was gone."

'Nothing this week †between your pay and your deductions, you broke even.'

'You can't cash your paychecks until your 6 month probation is satisfactorily over.'

"You come highly recommended. I like that."

'Thanks for not asking for a rise.'

'My pay envelope is empty.' - 'Your deductions equal your salary'

'Stare at it all you want sir, but I can assure you, no one is going to jump out and yell 'April Fools.'

PAYMASTER, 'Just to be on the safe side, we withheld EVERYTHING this week.'

'They were two payroll cowboys riding together.'

'Come quickly, sir! - Accounting is having an ennui attack!'

'Have you any other references apart from your mother's?'

"This isn't regular Hell. This is Tax hell, where you'll be audited for all eternity."

"That's great that you're on 8 different social media sites, but how are you at bank reconciliations, accounts payable, and working?"

"Of course the job has benefits - you benefit by getting a paycheck every week!"

'I could be happy with less.. but I'd rather be ecstatic with more.'

'Oh, we have an excellent benefits package †major medical, dental plan, vacation, retirement, nude encounter sessions....'

'One good thing about the salary - you won't be liable for income tax.'