Paycheck Ponderers Gifts

"I'm applying for a job here. Is the pay good?"

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

'The economy being what it is, we've had to make a few changes in your retirement plan. . .'

'A short economics test - if you bought something for

'I had considered a career as an offshore commodities broker specialising in securitised asset transfers but the pension wasn't as good.'

"Apparently over 50% of people never look at their pension plans!"

"People are looking for stability in pension arrangements..."

"If CEO pay packets aren't a problem, why doesn't everyone get one?"

'Money is a bit tight at the moment, so instead of cash we wondered whether you'd settle for 20% more meaningless protestations of how much we value you?'

"You never actually own a pension pot - you merely look after it for the next government."

"I never said they were well-compensated. I just said they were paid handsomely."

"If we take a late retirement and an early death, we'll just squeak by."

"I just learned that my golden parachute was not properly packed."

"The industry has agreed to take the pensions dashboard off our hands. . ."

"It drives me MAD when people whine about the amount top management get paid. . ."

'Would you like your dividend in pennies, nickels or bitcoin?'

"To be honest the culture sucks, but the pay is amazing."

'When bad 401ks happen to good people'

Passing the Pension Time Bomb

"Here's your paycheck. I hope we'll both find it amusing."

'I've figured out a way to lower your income tax...give you less income.'

"The pension crisis prompted me to consider alternative invstments. Like Roulette."

"If all countries are in debt, who's got all the money?"

'No raise, but we can make your desk and chair one-inch taller.'

"I'm the ghost of your future retirement."

Retirement Issues

'Stare at it all you want sir, but I can assure you, no one is going to jump out and yell 'April Fools.'

"The real trick will be enjoying retirement long enough before the Government goes belly up."

'I re-invested what was left of my 401K into returnable pop cans. I figure by the time I retire I should have about three dollars.'

'I'm prepared to pay you a living wage. Of course, what kind of a living you get out of it is entirely up to you.'

'Well that's a load off my mind. Osborne's cutting the 50p tax rate.'

"Will you be passing a mailbox?"