Paycheck Ponderers Pillows

"I'm applying for a job here. Is the pay good?"

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

'The economy being what it is, we've had to make a few changes in your retirement plan. . .'

'I had considered a career as an offshore commodities broker specialising in securitised asset transfers but the pension wasn't as good.'

'A short economics test - if you bought something for

"Apparently over 50% of people never look at their pension plans!"

"If CEO pay packets aren't a problem, why doesn't everyone get one?"

"People are looking for stability in pension arrangements..."

'Money is a bit tight at the moment, so instead of cash we wondered whether you'd settle for 20% more meaningless protestations of how much we value you?'

"You never actually own a pension pot - you merely look after it for the next government."

"I never said they were well-compensated. I just said they were paid handsomely."

"If we take a late retirement and an early death, we'll just squeak by."

'Retirement is OK, but instead of looking forword to weekends, I'm working at McDonalds.'

"I just learned that my golden parachute was not properly packed."

"It's not just me, Dad. Amazon.com has never made a cent, either."

"The industry has agreed to take the pensions dashboard off our hands. . ."

"It drives me MAD when people whine about the amount top management get paid. . ."

'Would you like your dividend in pennies, nickels or bitcoin?'

"To be honest the culture sucks, but the pay is amazing."

'When bad 401ks happen to good people'

Passing the Pension Time Bomb

'I've figured out a way to lower your income tax...give you less income.'

"The pension crisis prompted me to consider alternative invstments. Like Roulette."

"Here's your paycheck. I hope we'll both find it amusing."

Star Trek-the Older Generation. . .

Retirement Issues

"If all countries are in debt, who's got all the money?"

"I'm the ghost of your future retirement."

'No raise, but we can make your desk and chair one-inch taller.'

'Stare at it all you want sir, but I can assure you, no one is going to jump out and yell 'April Fools.'

'Well that's a load off my mind. Osborne's cutting the 50p tax rate.'

'I re-invested what was left of my 401K into returnable pop cans. I figure by the time I retire I should have about three dollars.'

"The real trick will be enjoying retirement long enough before the Government goes belly up."

'I'm prepared to pay you a living wage. Of course, what kind of a living you get out of it is entirely up to you.'