Paycheck Ponderer Pillows

'Stare at it all you want sir, but I can assure you, no one is going to jump out and yell 'April Fools.'

"Here's your paycheck. I hope we'll both find it amusing."

'I've figured out a way to lower your income tax...give you less income.'

"We earn more every couple of days than Willie Mays ever got for a full season. Are we overpaid, or what?"

Look, you know what models get paid. Don't act all freaked out by your check!

'My take home pay won't even take me home.'

'To be honest, I did expect a better bonus this year.'

'No raise, but we can make your desk and chair one-inch taller.'

'I've been up here almost a month now -- when do we get paid?'

'Doc, when I had a look at my salary statement, I got a motivation leak'!

' I earn a six-figure income, if you count those two little numbers after the decimal point.'

"The good news is that you get a one-month retroactive raise. The bad news is that you are fired."

"My take home pay must have gone to someone else's house."

"The bad news is your pay will now be performance-based. The good news is they've just raised the minimum wage."

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

'I vote we hang the darn thing upside down and go home!'

'Can he call you back? He's taking time to stop and smell the profits.'

Annual profits,

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

'Ladies and gents, the executive-worker pay ratio is not what it used to be!'

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

"As you can see, sales have been a little erratic lately..."

'I had considered a career as an offshore commodities broker specialising in securitised asset transfers but the pension wasn't as good.'

'A short economics test - if you bought something for

'The economy being what it is, we've had to make a few changes in your retirement plan. . .'

"At least we are consistently inconsistent."

"Apparently over 50% of people never look at their pension plans!"

'Perkins, you really know to suck the joy out of a 3rd quarter report.'

"People are looking for stability in pension arrangements..."

Annual Stockholders' Meeting: Take some tissues.

'Maybe we need new profit charts?'

"You never actually own a pension pot - you merely look after it for the next government."

"If we take a late retirement and an early death, we'll just squeak by."

"We could try 'gravity' as an excuse."

'Retirement is OK, but instead of looking forword to weekends, I'm working at McDonalds.'