Pay Gap Ponderer Pillows

"Personally I don't think our salaries are too high - I see them as legitimate compensation for the emotional trauma we suffer due to the public's disdain for our high salaries."

Rich man vomiting euros to a beggar.

'Ladies and gents, the executive-worker pay ratio is not what it used to be!'

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

'The economy being what it is, we've had to make a few changes in your retirement plan. . .'

'I had considered a career as an offshore commodities broker specialising in securitised asset transfers but the pension wasn't as good.'

'A short economics test - if you bought something for

"People are looking for stability in pension arrangements..."

"Apparently over 50% of people never look at their pension plans!"

"You never actually own a pension pot - you merely look after it for the next government."

"If we take a late retirement and an early death, we'll just squeak by."

'Retirement is OK, but instead of looking forword to weekends, I'm working at McDonalds.'

"I just learned that my golden parachute was not properly packed."

"The industry has agreed to take the pensions dashboard off our hands. . ."

"It drives me MAD when people whine about the amount top management get paid. . ."

'Would you like your dividend in pennies, nickels or bitcoin?'

'When bad 401ks happen to good people'

Passing the Pension Time Bomb

"Here's your paycheck. I hope we'll both find it amusing."

"The pension crisis prompted me to consider alternative invstments. Like Roulette."

'I've figured out a way to lower your income tax...give you less income.'

Star Trek-the Older Generation. . .

"I'm the ghost of your future retirement."

'No raise, but we can make your desk and chair one-inch taller.'

Retirement Issues

'Stare at it all you want sir, but I can assure you, no one is going to jump out and yell 'April Fools.'

"The real trick will be enjoying retirement long enough before the Government goes belly up."

'I re-invested what was left of my 401K into returnable pop cans. I figure by the time I retire I should have about three dollars.'

"Walter Thruggins, My Life as a Pensions Adviser."

'Sorry I can't pay your pension until I see gray hair. . . Oh yes, and you also get disability.'

"My inner child just turned 62. Where's his money?"

"I think the idea behind coin collecting is to get one of each kind, not all of the same kind!"

'At last you can put your feet up and concentrate on worrying about your pension.'

"If we want to get across our warnings about the dire consequences of not saving for a future then we need powerful dramatic message!"

'I'm new here. What type of retirement plan do they offer?'