Paycheck Philosopher Gifts

"Considering I punch in and out for you half the time, Larry, I guess it's only fair I keep half your paycheck!"

'Gibbs, I subracted your federal, state and social security taxes and medical from your paycheck, and you owe the firm $50.'

'I've got more money this week. They've given me my deductions and kept my wages.'

'We don't usually negotiate with agents to fill $25,000 a year positions.'

An opportunity to share in the profits...

"You promised an advance...but this is more of a tactical withdrawal."

'Of course I'm overpaid, everyone is overpaid!'

'I suppose you've often wondered what you'd do if you had my income.'

'If that's the going salary, then what's the starting salary?'

'Money is a bit tight at the moment, so instead of cash we wondered whether you'd settle for 20% more meaningless protestations of how much we value you?'

'I'm prepared to pay you a living wage. Of course, what kind of a living you get out of it is entirely up to you.'

"With so many applicants for a few jobs, we can lower the pay and drop the benefits!"

He must have given Johnson a rise - he just did a back flip.

"It sure goes...a dollar here, a dollar there and the rest to my wife."

"I never said they were well-compensated. I just said they were paid handsomely."

"Of course we pay a living wage....as long as you only live four days a week!"

"I work crazy hours with a crazy boss...and what do I get?"

'It's not a pay cut - I prefer to call it a salary correction.'

"Look at this paycheck! It's practically nothing! Tomorrow, most of this will be gone! And it happens over and over...every two weeks! How do people live like this?"

"Payday, and I feel like I've been nickled and dimed to death!"

"We start off at £120 a week, and after six months it goes up to £150."

"Stop worrying about your job, you're not paid enough to worry."

"To be honest the culture sucks, but the pay is amazing."

"Nothing like an honest day's pay for an honest week's work."

"You do all the work, and I make all the decisions. That's why I make 1,000% more money than you."

PAYMASTER, 'I'm sorry, Mr. Fergus, but your deductions won again this week.'

'Guess who's hinting for a raise?'

Boss? It's way past the 1st of the month and I still haven't received my paycheck. That's because the state requires that I pay you monthly, but it's not specific about whose month. Haven't you ever heard of gravitational time dilation? Time passes more slowly for an observer who's closer to a significant gravitational mass than it does for an observer who's farther away. Because I'm closer to my massive bank account than you are, one month for me is two months for you. I want my check by the en

"So you're getting chicken feed...they expect me to work for peanuts."

'Can you bring him out of his coma long enough to sign his paycheck?'

My request has fallen on deaf ears, hasn't it?

'Here's your paycheck...some of it is for the work you do, the rest is just plain gravy.'

'The only thing keeping me from being successful is not having a salary.'

'Hey you're right! That's more money than I made when I was a brain surgeon.'

'My my, hell must have frozen over!'