Fee-paying Philosopher Gifts

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

Pinocchio's Second Realization

"I'm overpaid and underworked, but you don't see me complaining!"

"When I get to Heaven, will I still have to clean my room?"

'He's got classic form, but if he doesn't improve his grades he won't get into college. He doesn't think.'

"If CEO pay packets aren't a problem, why doesn't everyone get one?"

'Money is a bit tight at the moment, so instead of cash we wondered whether you'd settle for 20% more meaningless protestations of how much we value you?'

"I never said they were well-compensated. I just said they were paid handsomely."

Student - Haven't emailed in 2 days.

'It's ten o'clock. Do you know what your office staff are doing?'

"To be honest the culture sucks, but the pay is amazing."

'Since you only work one night a year, it will take centuries to build up your retirement account.'

'Actually I only do this on weekends.'

'I'm prepared to pay you a living wage. Of course, what kind of a living you get out of it is entirely up to you.'

My definition of 'quality time?'...charging $500 per hour.

"With so many applicants for a few jobs, we can lower the pay and drop the benefits!"

'The only thing keeping me from being successful is not having a salary.'

'I'd like to participate in gym class, but I'm afraid I'll get overheated and contribute to the global warming problem.'

'I owe all my drive, ambition, and dedication to student debt.'

'I suppose you've often wondered what you'd do if you had my income.'

"I love academe. And academe loves me to death. But crap, I'm just not in love."

'I hear your fees are very reasonable.'

'This next song is about a close call and a near success. It's called The Grant that Got Away.'

"And the Haves, you might say, are divided into the Gives and Give Nots."

'Of course I'm overpaid, everyone is overpaid!'

"A thirst for knowledge, …. That was another of my great thirsts."

The Evolution Of Manhood

'If that's the going salary, then what's the starting salary?'

"Good news, mom and dad! It took 20 years, but I finally over my 'I know more than you' phase."

"So you're getting chicken feed...they expect me to work for peanuts."

"All this talk about self-driving cars. I can't see the benefit. They'll never catch on. Believe me son, people like to drive."

'Language is a great invention, but what if it leads to hate speech?'