Funding Philosopher Gifts

'This next song is about a close call and a near success. It's called The Grant that Got Away.'

If time is money, why the hell isn't space money?

'We'd love to pay staff more, but there's just no money! But you've got dozens of empty posts, why can't you use the money saved to pay better rates?'

'The prevailing wisdom is that markets are always right. I think that luck is always right.'

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

Molecular Biology and Cosmology buildings

'I became successful when my dreams changed from the Cary Grants of the world to federal grants.'

"I had a low birth weight but a high birthright."

'We were in the right place at the right time but, unfortunately, we were in the wrong time zone.'

Pinara fund

'I think you need to reboot your fiscal compass.'

Scientific Research: 'Uh...why'd it take'em 20 yeahs t' figyah that out?'

"Congratulations Professor, the committee 'okayed' your grant request."

"The red bars represent the obscene numbers this quarter. The black bars are censoring those red bars."

'Well they often get it wrong.'

Great moments in science. . . 'Nice work, you've isolated the funding gene.'

Illustration on the problem of money that is given to charities ending up in the hands of governments.

"I worry that we're headed for a future where you won't be able to earn three hundred times the salary of your lowest paid worker."

"All agreed? We buy low and sell high."

'After only a few years in the market I had a small fortune - unfortunately I'd started out with a big one.'

"To me..It says Art Council crap regional funding"

The Tobin Tax.

"...I want to find out whether there's any truth in the belief that money can't buy happiness."

'Greenspan today explained the reason the Fed faises interest rates is so they can lower them again.'

'Agreed, 'Laplace Algebra Matrix Expansion' is a good topic, but we'd better find a better acronym if we want to secure a Research Grant...'

Holiday Shopping for Guys

"Love you, love us, and I'm comfortable with our debt level."

'Do you ever wonder about this whole 'money' thing?'

'Watson, I don't think you appreciate the gravity of the situation,'

Dummy. Now we have to apply for another grant.

'I just found out that our credit union is illusory!'

Med. Soc Sec. Can we agree on anything to reduce the deficit other than a bake sale?

"I'm getting subtle hints of what the Fed might do."

Grants Office Scientific Research Section.

'I'd like to participate in gym class, but I'm afraid I'll get overheated and contribute to the global warming problem.'