Fee Philosopher Gifts

"Our high fees are based on a longstanding reputation for charging high fees."

My definition of 'quality time?'...charging $500 per hour.

'Deposit $1.00 - This is your final notice before we send it to a collection agency.'

'I hear your fees are very reasonable.'

"I've just realised something! 33 years he's been at university!"

Attorney basic fees.

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

Screwdriver labelled 'Buyer' and screw labelled 'seller'.

'It's ten o'clock. Do you know what your office staff are doing?'

"Ah, the waiter ... And I was beginning to wonder if we really existed!"

Meekness of Mr Pecksniff and his Charming Daughter

'Since you only work one night a year, it will take centuries to build up your retirement account.'

'Actually I only do this on weekends.'

Colin didn't really need a pocket-calculator...he already knew how many pockets he had!

"Don't worry, Jules. It'll come up on your side of the house in just 12 hours."

"I dreamed last night that I was furious at you for charging me for missing last week's session. What do you think it means?"

'What d'you mean, you're a Republican?'

"The good news is, we've managed to secure you a ?7 per week pay increase. The bad news is, we're going to charge ?2 per day to park your cars."

'I've been under a lot of pressure.' (Diver on therapist's couch).

'I'd like to participate in gym class, but I'm afraid I'll get overheated and contribute to the global warming problem.'

"Am I rusting? I think one of my sections is sinking. Oh, no! I thought I heard the gate squeak."

'I'm sorry, but don't you think fetch is a little overrated?'

"And the Haves, you might say, are divided into the Gives and Give Nots."

"A thirst for knowledge, …. That was another of my great thirsts."

'How did I become Vice-President? You ask...I came up with the logest list of fees to charge bank customers.'

Encouragement from Crashed Driver

"My flight’s been delayed for the third time—whom do I punch in the face for that?"

Women on desert island build themselves a fence to talk over.

'Retirement, Higgins? -- But at forty hours per week, you've only worked here thirteen years.'

"What's the secret of your longevity, Grampa?" "I guess it's because I was just never that curious about anything."

"I tried being my own boss, but my wife got jealous."

'I was considered a part time employee since I only worked one night a year and thus wasn't eligible for the pension plan, so here I am in my golden years working as a parking attendant.'

It seems only yesterday I had a wife, a job, a home...and now what have I got? A big zip.

"His grass really is greener!"

'The trouble with being self-employed is you can't nick office supplies!'