Fee Philosopher Pillows

"Our high fees are based on a longstanding reputation for charging high fees."

My definition of 'quality time?'...charging $500 per hour.

'Deposit $1.00 - This is your final notice before we send it to a collection agency.'

'I hear your fees are very reasonable.'

"I've just realised something! 33 years he's been at university!"

Attorney basic fees.

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

Screwdriver labelled 'Buyer' and screw labelled 'seller'.

'It's ten o'clock. Do you know what your office staff are doing?'

Meekness of Mr Pecksniff and his Charming Daughter

When the Job Market Shifts, Always Remember That It's All Your Fault

"Ah, the waiter ... And I was beginning to wonder if we really existed!"

'Since you only work one night a year, it will take centuries to build up your retirement account.'

Colin didn't really need a pocket-calculator...he already knew how many pockets he had!

"I dreamed last night that I was furious at you for charging me for missing last week's session. What do you think it means?"

"Don't worry, Jules. It'll come up on your side of the house in just 12 hours."

'Actually I only do this on weekends.'

'What d'you mean, you're a Republican?'

"The good news is, we've managed to secure you a ?7 per week pay increase. The bad news is, we're going to charge ?2 per day to park your cars."

'I've been under a lot of pressure.' (Diver on therapist's couch).

'I'd like to participate in gym class, but I'm afraid I'll get overheated and contribute to the global warming problem.'

"Am I rusting? I think one of my sections is sinking. Oh, no! I thought I heard the gate squeak."

'I'm sorry, but don't you think fetch is a little overrated?'

"And the Haves, you might say, are divided into the Gives and Give Nots."

"A thirst for knowledge, …. That was another of my great thirsts."

Encouragement from Crashed Driver

"My flight’s been delayed for the third time—whom do I punch in the face for that?"

'How did I become Vice-President? You ask...I came up with the logest list of fees to charge bank customers.'

Women on desert island build themselves a fence to talk over.

"I tried being my own boss, but my wife got jealous."

'Retirement, Higgins? -- But at forty hours per week, you've only worked here thirteen years.'

"What's the secret of your longevity, Grampa?" "I guess it's because I was just never that curious about anything."

"His grass really is greener!"

Good fences are more comfortable for gossiping.

It seems only yesterday I had a wife, a job, a home...and now what have I got? A big zip.