College Fee Philosopher Pillows

"Good day, Madam. I'm working my son's way through college."

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

'So what are you studying, young man?'

'He's got classic form, but if he doesn't improve his grades he won't get into college. He doesn't think.'

"I got all 'Cs', but I call that an 'A' report card...'A' for 'Average.'"

'... Of course it's expensive. It doesn't grow on trees you know!'

Student - Haven't emailed in 2 days.

'It's ten o'clock. Do you know what your office staff are doing?'

'Well, so my grades are A,B,C,D... at least I'm learning my alphabet.'

'Since you only work one night a year, it will take centuries to build up your retirement account.'

"I dreamed last night that I was furious at you for charging me for missing last week's session. What do you think it means?"

"It's from the Facebook company. They're buying out every messaging platform."

'Actually I only do this on weekends.'

'I found this copy of 'Atlas Shrugged' under his mattress!'

"Buy stock in a college?...I don't think you can...but why would we?"

My definition of 'quality time?'...charging $500 per hour.

'Yes we can cure you - but the bigger problem now is: can you afford it?'

Med. Soc Sec. Can we agree on anything to reduce the deficit other than a bake sale?

"The good news is, we've managed to secure you a ?7 per week pay increase. The bad news is, we're going to charge ?2 per day to park your cars."

'I owe all my drive, ambition, and dedication to student debt.'

"Arithmetic doesn't agree with me."

Pharmacy. Prescription. Don't worry about that --- After paying for those you can't afford to drive! (Published originally on August 1, 2011.)

"I love academe. And academe loves me to death. But crap, I'm just not in love."

'I hear your fees are very reasonable.'

"High school uniforms?! Can you imagine everyone wearing the same thing every day!"

"And the Haves, you might say, are divided into the Gives and Give Nots."

"A thirst for knowledge, …. That was another of my great thirsts."

'It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...oh, hell, give me another one!'

2016. 2015. Hey, come back here! You can't just decide to take a gap year!

'Retirement, Higgins? -- But at forty hours per week, you've only worked here thirteen years.'

'Dexter got a golden parachute, Nolan got a golden handshake and I got a golden retriever.'

Attorney basic fees.

"My teacher said if she knew as much about teaching as everyone else, the school wouldn't be able to afford her."

How To Be In The Moment...a few moments before anyone else.

'I was considered a part time employee since I only worked one night a year and thus wasn't eligible for the pension plan, so here I am in my golden years working as a parking attendant.'