Campus Philosopher Pillows

Open University, Closed University.

"I love academe. And academe loves me to death. But crap, I'm just not in love."

'Why didn't he take 8 days and finish the job properly?'

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

"One year closer to college!"

"It turns out crows find a bunch of dead crows more frightening than a man made out of hay."

'Enlightenment isn't EITHER overrated!'

'So what are you studying, young man?'

WELCOME TO KINDERGARTEN!, 'Boy, talk about psychobabbl!'

'He's got classic form, but if he doesn't improve his grades he won't get into college. He doesn't think.'

"Smoke a cigar that fits your face."

'Oh-oh -- What hath He wrought now?'

Future Tents

'Forget it. Bioethics doesn't apply to us.'

WELCOME TO KINDERGARTEN! "It was mostly okay, but there's way too much micromanagement!"

'A 'D' in physics and biology, an 'A' in reading aloud. What will ever become of this kid?'

Life after death

'It's the moral highground occupation force.'

"She's really nice and I didn't want to hurt her feelings, so here we are."

"In my class, I'm not interested in grades. I'm interested in you becoming a better person!"

"I'm not going to lie. It took a large speaker's fee to get me to say your future is bright."

"The answer you seek can be found in the syllabus."

'All dogs have 4 legs. Tabby has 4 legs. But I'm just a kid, so I don't have to think logically.'

Student - Haven't emailed in 2 days.

"I went back to warn them, but they already knew and didn't seem to care."

'It's ten o'clock. Do you know what your office staff are doing?'

"OK...for today I want a 500-word essay on what you know about nothing."

"Oh, the crystal ball rolled off and fell right on my foot! Didn't see it coming!"

'Since you only work one night a year, it will take centuries to build up your retirement account.'

Lost and Profound.

'Heidegger-Hi!'

"You'll get over him."

Academic Affairs: The Chair of Philosophy Corners the Chair of the Sciences

Grass: We lost some good men today!

"He'll read some Marx and some Freud, and he'll buy some stock. Then he'll read some Plato and some Tolstoy, and he'll sell some stock."