College Fee Philosopher Gifts

"Good day, Madam. I'm working my son's way through college."

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

'So what are you studying, young man?'

'He's got classic form, but if he doesn't improve his grades he won't get into college. He doesn't think.'

"I got all 'Cs', but I call that an 'A' report card...'A' for 'Average.'"

'... Of course it's expensive. It doesn't grow on trees you know!'

Student - Haven't emailed in 2 days.

'It's ten o'clock. Do you know what your office staff are doing?'

'Well, so my grades are A,B,C,D... at least I'm learning my alphabet.'

'Since you only work one night a year, it will take centuries to build up your retirement account.'

'Actually I only do this on weekends.'

"I dreamed last night that I was furious at you for charging me for missing last week's session. What do you think it means?"

"It's from the Facebook company. They're buying out every messaging platform."

'I found this copy of 'Atlas Shrugged' under his mattress!'

"Buy stock in a college?...I don't think you can...but why would we?"

My definition of 'quality time?'...charging $500 per hour.

'Yes we can cure you - but the bigger problem now is: can you afford it?'

"The good news is, we've managed to secure you a ?7 per week pay increase. The bad news is, we're going to charge ?2 per day to park your cars."

'I owe all my drive, ambition, and dedication to student debt.'

"Arithmetic doesn't agree with me."

'I hear your fees are very reasonable.'

"I love academe. And academe loves me to death. But crap, I'm just not in love."

"High school uniforms?! Can you imagine everyone wearing the same thing every day!"

"And the Haves, you might say, are divided into the Gives and Give Nots."

"A thirst for knowledge, …. That was another of my great thirsts."

'It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...oh, hell, give me another one!'

'Retirement, Higgins? -- But at forty hours per week, you've only worked here thirteen years.'

Attorney basic fees.

'Dexter got a golden parachute, Nolan got a golden handshake and I got a golden retriever.'

'I was considered a part time employee since I only worked one night a year and thus wasn't eligible for the pension plan, so here I am in my golden years working as a parking attendant.'

How To Be In The Moment...a few moments before anyone else.

"My teacher said if she knew as much about teaching as everyone else, the school wouldn't be able to afford her."

'Deposit $1.00 - This is your final notice before we send it to a collection agency.'