Freshman Philosopher Gifts

'So what are you studying, young man?'

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

"According to mom the answers are all in this book!" "Too bad there's no pictures at which to look!"

"I'll bet all of Albert Einstein's teachers felt like idiots for giving him bad grades too."

'When I grow up, I'm either going to be an authority figure or an unimpeachable source.'

5pm Happy Hour. 6pm discussion: what is true happiness?

"I feel I've outgrown this facility, Mrs. Thompson. Could we see what else is around?"

"One year closer to college!"

(When I'm good I'm very very good, but when I'm bad I'm... Well….) (Horrid?)

"Could I ask just one question?"

Pinocchio's Second Realization

Bless me father, for I have sinned...my brother did it.'

My belief is if you're old enough to take texts, counter-texts, and meta-texts in Western Philosophy, you should be old enough to drink.

WELCOME TO KINDERGARTEN!, 'Boy, talk about psychobabbl!'

"When I get to Heaven, will I still have to clean my room?"

"If wisdom comes with age, what are we doing here at eight and a half?"

'Before we start, I'd like legal representation.'

'He's got classic form, but if he doesn't improve his grades he won't get into college. He doesn't think.'

'Dad, when do I stop being a wholly owned subsidy of you and Mom?'

'How much stuff can I get away with and still go to heaven?'

Philosopher trading cards.

'After you grade my report, may I have my intellectual property back?'

WELCOME TO KINDERGARTEN! "It was mostly okay, but there's way too much micromanagement!"

'A 'D' in physics and biology, an 'A' in reading aloud. What will ever become of this kid?'

Life after death

'Yeah, bit how does the stork get into the maternity room?'

"Daddy, instead of the princess story tonight, can you explain how and why manifest destiny eliminated the American Indians?"

"I'm not going to lie. It took a large speaker's fee to get me to say your future is bright."

"If everything is God's will, tell me again why I need to study for exams?"

"Nicole’s parents celebrated her curious mind, even in those moments when it really depressed them."

'All dogs have 4 legs. Tabby has 4 legs. But I'm just a kid, so I don't have to think logically.'

Student - Haven't emailed in 2 days.

"I went back to warn them, but they already knew and didn't seem to care."

Young Galileo

Philosophy Test Today. This "Meaning of Life" question -- is that essay or true-false?