Campus Philosophers Gifts

'The job I went to college to prepare for, was shipped overseas.'

'Why didn't he take 8 days and finish the job properly?'

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

Vote Centrist to Keep Things Exactly as Awful as They Are

"One year closer to college!"

'Enlightenment isn't EITHER overrated!'

'So what are you studying, young man?'

WELCOME TO KINDERGARTEN!, 'Boy, talk about psychobabbl!'

My belief is if you're old enough to take texts, counter-texts, and meta-texts in Western Philosophy, you should be old enough to drink.

'He's got classic form, but if he doesn't improve his grades he won't get into college. He doesn't think.'

'How much stuff can I get away with and still go to heaven?'

"Smoke a cigar that fits your face."

'Oh-oh -- What hath He wrought now?'

WELCOME TO KINDERGARTEN! "It was mostly okay, but there's way too much micromanagement!"

'A 'D' in physics and biology, an 'A' in reading aloud. What will ever become of this kid?'

"I'm not going to lie. It took a large speaker's fee to get me to say your future is bright."

Life after death

'Yeah, bit how does the stork get into the maternity room?'

'It's the moral highground occupation force.'

"In my class, I'm not interested in grades. I'm interested in you becoming a better person!"

"Daddy, instead of the princess story tonight, can you explain how and why manifest destiny eliminated the American Indians?"

"The answer you seek can be found in the syllabus."

'All dogs have 4 legs. Tabby has 4 legs. But I'm just a kid, so I don't have to think logically.'

Student - Haven't emailed in 2 days.

"I went back to warn them, but they already knew and didn't seem to care."

"Oh, the crystal ball rolled off and fell right on my foot! Didn't see it coming!"

Philosophy Test Today. This "Meaning of Life" question -- is that essay or true-false?

"OK...for today I want a 500-word essay on what you know about nothing."

Lost and Profound.

'Heidegger-Hi!'

Starving Philosophy student grappling with the question of the toast in the machine.

"You'll get over him."

Academic Affairs: The Chair of Philosophy Corners the Chair of the Sciences

"He'll read some Marx and some Freud, and he'll buy some stock. Then he'll read some Plato and some Tolstoy, and he'll sell some stock."

"I attempted to circumvent the traditional trappings of a teen furlough...but I was thwarted by my czar-ish parental unit."