Penny Philosopher Pillows

"And the Haves, you might say, are divided into the Gives and Give Nots."

Pigeon Little

"You can't compare apples and oranges because oranges have longer legs."

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

'If, as you say, they're so evolved, why do they need to wear clothes to survive?'

Reverse psychology

'A short economics test - if you bought something for

"I'm sorry, but you didn't recognize me as the Messiah when I had braces and glasses."

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

'My imaginary playmate squealed on me!'

'Would you like your dividend in pennies, nickels or bitcoin?'

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

Power/Expenditures

Colin didn't really need a pocket-calculator...he already knew how many pockets he had!

'My finger's stopped bleeding. I must have run out of blood.'

'Don't Move!' - 'Why would I want to move? Lived here for 51 years, know all the neighbours, shops nearby, post office is closed but...'

My definition of 'quality time?'...charging $500 per hour.

"It's chic to be vulnerable."

"Now they're saying 80 is the new 70. So, when's the new dead?"

"Is it always so cloudy?"

The existentialist manifesto according to Jean-Paul Sinatra-'oooby Dooby Doo!'

"The gods aren't angry, Tara. They're just hurt and disappointed."

"I think the idea behind coin collecting is to get one of each kind, not all of the same kind!"

"It Works For Us."

'Did you ever wonder why iced coffee is goof but cold coffee isn't? . . . You're not curious like I am.'

Dispute over pocket money

'I'd like to participate in gym class, but I'm afraid I'll get overheated and contribute to the global warming problem.'

The end is near.

"My mum always said life is like a tin of cat food. You never know what you're gonna get..."

I lactate, therefore I am.

"After the Great Seagull Reincarnation, we'll spend eternity stealing sandwiches and defecating as we please."

"No thanks, I'm vegetarian."