Flippered Philosopher Gifts

'I've been under a lot of pressure.' (Diver on therapist's couch).

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

Pigeon Little

'Who's this 'Art in Heaven' guy you keep talking about?'

"Geez, from way up here it almost looks like there’s hope for humanity."

'If, as you say, they're so evolved, why do they need to wear clothes to survive?'

"You can't compare apples and oranges because oranges have longer legs."

Cat with Lion reflection in mirror

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

Reverse psychology

"Apparently, when the tide came in, a lot of castles went bust."

Spot the Difference - God/Uncle Sam

"Try picking up a girl after you've renounced everything."

Pop Culture for Teens

Remember, it's about the journey, not the destination. But sure, I'll keep an eye out for a rest area.

"I'm sorry, but you didn't recognize me as the Messiah when I had braces and glasses."

Why doesn't birdie go soaring on high like other birds?

"Mirror, mirror on the wall ... what the heck is up with my hair?"

"My parents are going to pay for my education but I'm on my own for any attorney's fees."

'I know I don't look like a matinee idol of yesteryear anymore, but neither do they!'

'Let the record show that I suggested primordial souffl'ee.'

Business man sees himself as a shark

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

"I noticed a few browns."

Warning. Objects in mirror my bear no relation to reality.

'Push'n 50, but ya still got it!!'

'It's ten o'clock. Do you know what your office staff are doing?'

Yeah, well, I only failed my logic exam because I'm a Pisces and my professor's a Leo.

Jeffrey's Time Machine: '...I want to go back and see what the world was like when people weren't so stupid and annoying!'

Objects in mirror bear no relation to reality.

'Just tell me. You don't need to drag that out every time I ask how I look.'

'There goes another one. Galileo, don't you have any idea what makes them do that?'

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

Toys from the Pre School of Hard Knocks - Stumbling Blocks.

'How did he make the world in six days?'