Flippered Philosopher T-Shirts

'I've been under a lot of pressure.' (Diver on therapist's couch).

Pigeon Little

'Who's this 'Art in Heaven' guy you keep talking about?'

"You can't compare apples and oranges because oranges have longer legs."

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

Cat with Lion reflection in mirror

'If, as you say, they're so evolved, why do they need to wear clothes to survive?'

"Geez, from way up here it almost looks like there’s hope for humanity."

Reverse psychology

"Try picking up a girl after you've renounced everything."

Spot the Difference - God/Uncle Sam

"Apparently, when the tide came in, a lot of castles went bust."

Why doesn't birdie go soaring on high like other birds?

"I'm sorry, but you didn't recognize me as the Messiah when I had braces and glasses."

'I know I don't look like a matinee idol of yesteryear anymore, but neither do they!'

"My parents are going to pay for my education but I'm on my own for any attorney's fees."

"I noticed a few browns."

'Let the record show that I suggested primordial souffl'ee.'

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

"Mirror, mirror on the wall ... what the heck is up with my hair?"

Business man sees himself as a shark

Warning. Objects in mirror my bear no relation to reality.

'Push'n 50, but ya still got it!!'

'It's ten o'clock. Do you know what your office staff are doing?'

'Just tell me. You don't need to drag that out every time I ask how I look.'

Objects in mirror bear no relation to reality.

Toys from the Pre School of Hard Knocks - Stumbling Blocks.

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

'There goes another one. Galileo, don't you have any idea what makes them do that?'

'How did he make the world in six days?'

'Since you only work one night a year, it will take centuries to build up your retirement account.'