Bee Philosopher Gifts

'What d'you mean, you're a Republican?'

'...and now, Gentlemen, we come to our final lecture in advanced cardiology...'

"The Supreme Court says a corporation is a 'person?' Well, have you ever tried to take a corporation out for a nice, friendly beer?"

Agricultural Psychology

'Young lady, I'm afraid existential despair is no excuse for not eating your lima beans.'

"I think it's time we learned to stand up for our selves."

Mall Directory: You are here, but your mind is somewhere else.

"And then it hit me—I'm sleeping with my mother."

'I have this constant ringing in my ears. I think I have tinnitus.' - 'Does it sound like an 'eeeeeee' or a 'shhhhh'?' - 'It's like the murmer of a thousand forgotten souls quietly lamenting past sorrows.' - 'Hmmm. I don't have a checkbox for that, sadly.

'Leaves glow away...Apples fall to the ground...Ah, ha. Apples are heavier than leaves.'

"Well, at least I'm embracing my feminine side!"

My definition of 'quality time?'...charging $500 per hour.

"I may not be in for a while, Eddie. My wife and I have decided to normalize relations."

"Doesn't it make sense to move Casual Friday to Monday?"

'No, officer, I'm not a homeless beggar. I'm just waiting on my wife while she's shopping.'

I see you've caught my honey robber.'

Bartender: 'Rough day, huh?'Man: 'I'll say. My ex-wife just sued the pants off me.'

"There's men for you: here today, gone today!"

"My idea of an agreeable person is one who agrees with me."

'I'd like to participate in gym class, but I'm afraid I'll get overheated and contribute to the global warming problem.'

'Honey, I'm home!'

'I hear your fees are very reasonable.'

"I'm living proof that life begins at forty-three."

"I have no head for show business."

'I always come outside for a smoke.'

The Hen Commandments.

Baby Philosophy.

'I think we're starting sex education too early.'

'Polly want many things, but a cracker isn't among them.'

"No, son - the love of Monday is not the root of all evil."

"Don't get too attached, everything you cherish will disappear the moment you look away. Nothing you love is permanent."

'If the opposite sex insisted on devouring YOUR head and laying thousands of eggs in YOUR carcass, then perhaps celibacy wouldn't seem like such an unreasonable lifestyle option!'

'Bloody warmongers!'

"That wasn't very funny!"

'I cut the grass once, but it grew again.'