Weekday Philosopher Gifts

"No, son - the love of Monday is not the root of all evil."

Sally woke up with a headache. This house didn't look familiar. There was a rug burn on her forehead. Three good reasons to quit drinking.

"Well did he?"

'I'm down to a pack of neuroses a day.'

"I'd go with French Impressionist. It evokes the burnished golds of autumn leaves and the bittersweet regrets of lost love. It's also on special."

"Think about the honey."

Using Frank Drake's famous equation, Betty calculates the probability of finding intelligent life on a Saturday night.

"Is this a bad time for our feedback meeting?"

"I believe in the carrot-and-stick approach, Dempsey."

'I ask myself-do I really want to sleep on the edge of the bed again?'

Everything opens up as a new day begins.

'How do you want your eggs, too hard or too soft?'

Starving Philosophy student grappling with the question of the toast in the machine.

"Sure I can't pop that in a bag for you, sir?"

"I've figured out why my life is boring."

'I know Jesus spoke in parables. Now for the last time, tell me exactly where you put my car keys.'

"I feel I need to take a break from academia."

Toast with faces popped up from toaster.

"Is this a good time to bring up a car problem?"

He's mumbling again! What do you think husbands dream about?

'The Human Comedy needs a laugh track.'

'I didn't come to work yesterday because Tuesday is the new Monday.'

The End is Relative

"You could always make me laugh but you didn't."

Moral Fruit and Fiber Cereal

"Doesn't it make sense to move Casual Friday to Monday?"

'I don't need that exercise stuff -- I cross the pain threshold just getting out of bed in the morning.'

The end is near. The end is nearish. I get this way every spring.

'I don't know what's wrong with you, you seem to have celibacy on the brain!'

'Sorry - I've got strong views on Sunday Trading!'

"So this sense of failure stems from the fact that you're not catching any worms despite getting up early?"

"Yes, Jamie -- you have an insight?"

"Would it have killed you to shave first?"

"I got the bagel less everythinged, and that has made all the difference."

Sunday Monday