Sunday Morning Philosopher Gifts

'Ah, this is what Sunday mornings are all about...' - '...lying in bed until late all tucked up under a warm duvet...' - '...contemplating everything that's wrong with my life.'

"You don't whisper anymore."

Sally woke up with a headache. This house didn't look familiar. There was a rug burn on her forehead. Three good reasons to quit drinking.

Hello, this is Cable News. Oh. I'm Mortimer Park. As you know, we only have four short years until the next presidential election. So it's time to start asking: Who should run? Whom do you prefer? (A) Al Gore … (B) John Kerry … (C) Marco Rubio … (D) Ted Cruz ... (E) Christ Christie ... House of Java Cybercafe. How about (F) You? Mr. Eugene Yu is actually (T).

"Oh, don't mind that, it's just my body of unseen work."

"I'd go with French Impressionist. It evokes the burnished golds of autumn leaves and the bittersweet regrets of lost love. It's also on special."

Using Frank Drake's famous equation, Betty calculates the probability of finding intelligent life on a Saturday night.

"Is this a bad time for our feedback meeting?"

Quadruple dark hot chocolate. Whoa, everything all right? Sure, yeah, great. I'm a journalist and writer in an era in which the printed word has been totally devalued by free distribution of information on the internet. Can I pay in prose? Point taken.

Everything opens up as a new day begins.

'How do you want your eggs, too hard or too soft?'

Starving Philosophy student grappling with the question of the toast in the machine.

Man in boat sees clock rising in distance instead of the sun.

Continental Drift.

Aw, @#$%, just go to business school. EMU. The Practical Muse.

Toast with faces popped up from toaster.

"I recommend the businessman's lunch, sir, mammon notwithstanding."

Moral Fruit and Fiber Cereal

"You could always make me laugh but you didn't."

"Doesn't it make sense to move Casual Friday to Monday?"

The end is near. The end is nearish. I get this way every spring.

...Five ways for the cities-towns to raise money...

"None of this news seems 'fit to print' to me!"

"I can see the green shoots of recovery. The fag butts are getting longer."

"I got the bagel less everythinged, and that has made all the difference."

"Congratulations on your retirement Spencer. The team suggested a gold watch but I thought it more apt if I present you with the office clock you've been watching so much for the past 35 years."

'I waste Sunday worrying about Monday, so I compensate by making Friday my Saturday.'

"So this sense of failure stems from the fact that you're not catching any worms despite getting up early?"

"Yes, Jamie -- you have an insight?"

'Sorry - I've got strong views on Sunday Trading!'

"At lunchtime Dr. Jones just loves taking union talk with his fellow brothers."

'We only get an hour for lunch, so your best bet is to brown-bag it.'

'Sometimes I think you don't listen to a word I say!'

"No, son - the love of Monday is not the root of all evil."

'I bet your Sunday mornings are different now you're married,eh Sam!'