Weekend Philosopher Gifts

Using Frank Drake's famous equation, Betty calculates the probability of finding intelligent life on a Saturday night.

'I waste Sunday worrying about Monday, so I compensate by making Friday my Saturday.'

Where a truant goes at the weekend.

Academics At The Beach: The Old Man And The Sea

Sally woke up with a headache. This house didn't look familiar. There was a rug burn on her forehead. Three good reasons to quit drinking.

"I'd go with French Impressionist. It evokes the burnished golds of autumn leaves and the bittersweet regrets of lost love. It's also on special."

The Boys of Indian Summer

'It's ten o'clock. Do you know what your office staff are doing?'

"Let's go to sleep so that when we wake up today will be tomorrow."

"Honey, wake up. I had that dream again where I wake up and you get angry at me for waking you up."

'Since you only work one night a year, it will take centuries to build up your retirement account.'

'How do you want your eggs, too hard or too soft?'

Starving Philosophy student grappling with the question of the toast in the machine.

"Someday, son, a giant conglomerate will find a way to harness the moonlight and make us pay for it."

'Actually I only do this on weekends.'

"You could always make me laugh but you didn't."

Moral Fruit and Fiber Cereal

Toast with faces popped up from toaster.

"I swear, we spend more time decided which squirrel to bark at than we do actually barking at it."

'A little madness in the Spring is wholesome even for the King' -Emily Dickinson.

Thoughts of Stephen Harper...

The End is Relative

'The shrink said my holiday was hereditary - my family.'

"Congratulations on your retirement Spencer. The team suggested a gold watch but I thought it more apt if I present you with the office clock you've been watching so much for the past 35 years."

"I got the bagel less everythinged, and that has made all the difference."

Sunday Monday

"None of this news seems 'fit to print' to me!"

"So this sense of failure stems from the fact that you're not catching any worms despite getting up early?"

'Sorry - I've got strong views on Sunday Trading!'

"See, Timmy? No boogeymen under your bed — they're all out there."

"Would it have killed you to shave first?"

'Sometimes I think you don't listen to a word I say!'

"Ask not for whom the refrigerator hums..."

"No, son - the love of Monday is not the root of all evil."