Morning Philosophizer Gifts

'Are you the same guy who's in the bathroom mirror?'

"The overthinker"

Sally woke up with a headache. This house didn't look familiar. There was a rug burn on her forehead. Three good reasons to quit drinking.

"Ideas that jump from noggin when head not yet screwed on."

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

"I'd go with French Impressionist. It evokes the burnished golds of autumn leaves and the bittersweet regrets of lost love. It's also on special."

Using Frank Drake's famous equation, Betty calculates the probability of finding intelligent life on a Saturday night.

Everything opens up as a new day begins.

'How do you want your eggs, too hard or too soft?'

Starving Philosophy student grappling with the question of the toast in the machine.

"I also have trouble sleeping. I don't understand why. No one I talk to seems to have any trouble falling asleep."

Moral Fruit and Fiber Cereal

Expired, expired, expired, expired, expired, expired.

Toast with faces popped up from toaster.

"You could always make me laugh but you didn't."

Tomorrow's another day, he thought, unless I get lucky and sleep right through it.

"Doesn't it make sense to move Casual Friday to Monday?"

Sugar-coated riboflavin yellow #5 fructose surbosic-carboblutonic flakes.

"Yes, Jamie -- you have an insight?"

'Sorry - I've got strong views on Sunday Trading!'

"I got the bagel less everythinged, and that has made all the difference."

"None of this news seems 'fit to print' to me!"

"So this sense of failure stems from the fact that you're not catching any worms despite getting up early?"

'I waste Sunday worrying about Monday, so I compensate by making Friday my Saturday.'

'Sometimes I think you don't listen to a word I say!'

"No, son - the love of Monday is not the root of all evil."

Bank Checking and Savings. Your account is overdrawn, sir. Haven't you heard?! Deficit spending is all the rage!

"God helps those who help themselves. So I helped myself."

'Frank! Cut that out and get back to work!'

"I had a dream that I was awake and trying to sleep and now I don't know what's going on."

Fatalism and the Seeds of Doubt

"What truth can there be, if there is only death?" "Too early for Tolstoy."

'The newspaper strike hasn't affected you at all, has it?'

"HELP! - I'm trapped in a dumbed-down medium..!!"

"I started my vegetarianism for health reasons, then it became a moral choice, and now it's just to annoy people."