Beet Philosopher Gifts

Agricultural Psychology

"It turns out crows find a bunch of dead crows more frightening than a man made out of hay."

'Young lady, I'm afraid existential despair is no excuse for not eating your lima beans.'

Mall Directory: You are here, but your mind is somewhere else.

"Why do people talk about a rat's nest like it's a bad thing?"

Grass: We lost some good men today!

'It's hard to slice a potato once you've looked it in the eye.'

My definition of 'quality time?'...charging $500 per hour.

'What d'you mean, you're a Republican?'

"You forgot to adjust your hilling discs again, didn't you?"

'There's more to life than winning. There's also testing negative for steroids.'

Dept. de Philosophie

'No, officer, I'm not a homeless beggar. I'm just waiting on my wife while she's shopping.'

'I don't feel at home on the range any more!'

"In the Wild Wild West, we say, if it isn't yours, DON'T TAKE IT..."

Dare to Soar. Believe. Dream. Live Simply. One Day at a Time. I think we need a platitude adjustment.

The Hen Commandments.

"Well, I admire your resilience."

'Polly want many things, but a cracker isn't among them.'

'I hear your fees are very reasonable.'

'These lousy free-range chickens think that they just own the whole world!'

Heaven's Cattlegrid.

I lactate, therefore I am.

It's not enough just to 'milk me'...what's my motivation? Do I want to be milked?

"If a bowl of ice cream isn't the answer, you're asking the wrong question."

"As vegan zombies, are we allowed to eat brains?"

"Why is living my best life so fattening?"

Poet and Peasant

"You're all on rations, due to the ironic rise in the cost of chicken feed."

Is there life after digestion?

Speculators and Food Production

'...and so I say without fear of contradiction...'

'Yes, most humans call us pests or vermin, but a few of them love us as pets...'

"Well according to this you're sat in my wealth corner."

Bureaucracy in Food Production