Beet Philosopher Gifts

Agricultural Psychology

"It turns out crows find a bunch of dead crows more frightening than a man made out of hay."

'Young lady, I'm afraid existential despair is no excuse for not eating your lima beans.'

Mall Directory: You are here, but your mind is somewhere else.

Grass: We lost some good men today!

'It's hard to slice a potato once you've looked it in the eye.'

'What d'you mean, you're a Republican?'

My definition of 'quality time?'...charging $500 per hour.

"You forgot to adjust your hilling discs again, didn't you?"

Dept. de Philosophie

'There's more to life than winning. There's also testing negative for steroids.'

'No, officer, I'm not a homeless beggar. I'm just waiting on my wife while she's shopping.'

"In the Wild Wild West, we say, if it isn't yours, DON'T TAKE IT..."

'I don't feel at home on the range any more!'

Heaven's Cattlegrid.

'Polly want many things, but a cracker isn't among them.'

"Well, I admire your resilience."

'These lousy free-range chickens think that they just own the whole world!'

I lactate, therefore I am.

'I hear your fees are very reasonable.'

"If a bowl of ice cream isn't the answer, you're asking the wrong question."

It's not enough just to 'milk me'...what's my motivation? Do I want to be milked?

"As vegan zombies, are we allowed to eat brains?"

"Why is living my best life so fattening?"

Is there life after digestion?

Speculators and Food Production

Poet and Peasant

'...and so I say without fear of contradiction...'

'Yes, most humans call us pests or vermin, but a few of them love us as pets...'

"Well according to this you're sat in my wealth corner."

Bureaucracy in Food Production

'I can't wait to be shorn of all this wooly symbolism.'