Paycheck Philosophers Gifts

Hey boss, it's almost the middle of March and I haven't been paid yet. Are you sure? Perhaps I already paid you for March back in February. Perhaps I've been paying you a whole month early for the last 16 years, and so you aren't actually entitled to another check until April. If you show me your very first check stub from 16 years ago, we could clear this up. Very. Mad. Man.

"If CEO pay packets aren't a problem, why doesn't everyone get one?"

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

"I'm overpaid and underworked, but you don't see me complaining!"

'Sorry guys... budget cuts !'

'Money is a bit tight at the moment, so instead of cash we wondered whether you'd settle for 20% more meaningless protestations of how much we value you?'

"I never said they were well-compensated. I just said they were paid handsomely."

"The problem with capitalism is the unequal sharing of wealth. The problem with socialism is the equal sharing of wealth..."

"To be honest the culture sucks, but the pay is amazing."

"These are 'small bucks,' Josh. You have to work here a long time to get the 'big bucks'."

"If that income is personal, why do I have to tell you about it"?

'I've figured out a way to lower your income tax...give you less income.'

"Here's your paycheck. I hope we'll both find it amusing."

'Less spare change under the cushion is my leading economic indicator!'

'It's true that money can't buy everything, Caldwell, but it's not healthy to dwell on it.'

"I dreamed last night that I was furious at you for charging me for missing last week's session. What do you think it means?"

'No raise, but we can make your desk and chair one-inch taller.'

Payroll Dept. My economic anxiety has less to do with the weak dollar than the week's dollars! (Published originally on March 14, 2008.)

'My investment club had morphed into a support group.'

'Stare at it all you want sir, but I can assure you, no one is going to jump out and yell 'April Fools.'

'I'm prepared to pay you a living wage. Of course, what kind of a living you get out of it is entirely up to you.'

"Well, if there is life on Mars, how come they haven't asked us for money?"

"With so many applicants for a few jobs, we can lower the pay and drop the benefits!"

'The only thing keeping me from being successful is not having a salary.'

"The good news is, we've managed to secure you a ?7 per week pay increase. The bad news is, we're going to charge ?2 per day to park your cars."

Dispute over pocket money

'I suppose you've often wondered what you'd do if you had my income.'

'Actually, the bill is part of your reality therapy.'

Look, you know what models get paid. Don't act all freaked out by your check!

"See here how his later work shows focus and sense of direction..."

'Here are today's numbers: I earn $1369 per day, an increase of $548 per day over my previous job...'

"Of course the job has benefits - you benefit by getting a paycheck every week!"

' I earn a six-figure income, if you count those two little numbers after the decimal point.'

'If that's the going salary, then what's the starting salary?'