Payday Ponderer Gifts

"I can't bear the way he dishes out the pay-packets"

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

'I vote we hang the darn thing upside down and go home!'

'Salaries Manager. No.'

Annual profits,

'Can he call you back? He's taking time to stop and smell the profits.'

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

"As you can see, sales have been a little erratic lately..."

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

'The economy being what it is, we've had to make a few changes in your retirement plan. . .'

'A short economics test - if you bought something for

"At least we are consistently inconsistent."

"Apparently over 50% of people never look at their pension plans!"

"People are looking for stability in pension arrangements..."

'Perkins, you really know to suck the joy out of a 3rd quarter report.'

Annual Stockholders' Meeting: Take some tissues.

'Maybe we need new profit charts?'

"You never actually own a pension pot - you merely look after it for the next government."

"Today we'll examine that age old question of robot accomplishment: programming or processor?"

"We could try 'gravity' as an excuse."

"I just learned that my golden parachute was not properly packed."

'Retirement is OK, but instead of looking forword to weekends, I'm working at McDonalds.'

"Profits. Good thing or the greatest thing?"

"Of course it's only prediction, we can't guarantee anything."

'For P.R. purposes, let's use the phrase, 'uncanny luck' rather than 'dumb luck'.'

'This isn't a non-profit-making organization you know! Or at least, it wasn't until you started working here!'

business

"It drives me MAD when people whine about the amount top management get paid. . ."

'Would you like your dividend in pennies, nickels or bitcoin?'

If you can't afford the milk you drink, there are options. I can put you on a payment plan. Minimal APR since you're such a valued customer. Valued?! You hardly treat me like I'm valued, you miser! YOU TREAT ME WITH CONTEMPT! Good point. Maximum APR, then.

'I'm a 100% consistent investor. I buy bonds when I should buy stocks when I should buy bonds.'

Passing the Pension Time Bomb

'When bad 401ks happen to good people'

'After months of analysing, we found out how to stop your downgoing profits: just find more customers who want to buy your products.'

'I think I know what the problem is!'