Payment Plan Ponderer Gifts

If you can't afford the milk you drink, there are options. I can put you on a payment plan. Minimal APR since you're such a valued customer. Valued?! You hardly treat me like I'm valued, you miser! YOU TREAT ME WITH CONTEMPT! Good point. Maximum APR, then.

'Ladies and gents, the executive-worker pay ratio is not what it used to be!'

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

'The economy being what it is, we've had to make a few changes in your retirement plan. . .'

"Apparently over 50% of people never look at their pension plans!"

"People are looking for stability in pension arrangements..."

"You never actually own a pension pot - you merely look after it for the next government."

"I just learned that my golden parachute was not properly packed."

'Retirement is OK, but instead of looking forword to weekends, I'm working at McDonalds.'

'Our basic package is no frills, no chew toys, no extra Kibbles, and narry a pat on the head from management...'

"It drives me MAD when people whine about the amount top management get paid. . ."

'When bad 401ks happen to good people'

Passing the Pension Time Bomb

'I've figured out a way to lower your income tax...give you less income.'

"Here's your paycheck. I hope we'll both find it amusing."

Star Trek-the Older Generation. . .

Retirement Issues

Less is more.

A sardine can combined with a cornucopia.

"I'm the ghost of your future retirement."

'No raise, but we can make your desk and chair one-inch taller.'

"How the hell should I know what I'm looking at? You're lousy insurance doesn't provide HD X-rays."

'Stare at it all you want sir, but I can assure you, no one is going to jump out and yell 'April Fools.'

'I re-invested what was left of my 401K into returnable pop cans. I figure by the time I retire I should have about three dollars.'

"The real trick will be enjoying retirement long enough before the Government goes belly up."

'Sorry I can't pay your pension until I see gray hair. . . Oh yes, and you also get disability.'

"Walter Thruggins, My Life as a Pensions Adviser."

"My inner child just turned 62. Where's his money?"

'He's crazy. He wants $40,000 for that one dollar bill!'

'At last you can put your feet up and concentrate on worrying about your pension.'

"I keep my savings under my mattress. It's the only way I'll ever be able to retire on my money."

Economists generally agree that consumers don't trust products that cost too little. If an item is too inexpensive, it seems cheap. A higher cost connotes quality. Price hike! Beware the rabid capitalist bearing economic theory.

' I earn a six-figure income, if you count those two little numbers after the decimal point.'

"What kind of take-out are you in the mood for: overpriced or overrated?"

"There's a worry that if we impose rules on hedge funds they may leave the UK..."