Pay Packet Ponderer Gifts

"It drives me MAD when people whine about the amount top management get paid. . ."

'Ladies and gents, the executive-worker pay ratio is not what it used to be!'

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

'The economy being what it is, we've had to make a few changes in your retirement plan. . .'

'A short economics test - if you bought something for

"Apparently over 50% of people never look at their pension plans!"

"People are looking for stability in pension arrangements..."

"You never actually own a pension pot - you merely look after it for the next government."

"Today we'll examine that age old question of robot accomplishment: programming or processor?"

'Euro's down against the pound, dollars up against yen, pound is... what the hell don't expect cheap meals in France!'

'Our basic package is no frills, no chew toys, no extra Kibbles, and narry a pat on the head from management...'

'Retirement is OK, but instead of looking forword to weekends, I'm working at McDonalds.'

"I just learned that my golden parachute was not properly packed."

How do you fell about buying your own health insurance?

If you can't afford the milk you drink, there are options. I can put you on a payment plan. Minimal APR since you're such a valued customer. Valued?! You hardly treat me like I'm valued, you miser! YOU TREAT ME WITH CONTEMPT! Good point. Maximum APR, then.

'Would you like your dividend in pennies, nickels or bitcoin?'

Passing the Pension Time Bomb

'When bad 401ks happen to good people'

"Here's your paycheck. I hope we'll both find it amusing."

'I've figured out a way to lower your income tax...give you less income.'

Star Trek-the Older Generation. . .

A sardine can combined with a cornucopia.

'No raise, but we can make your desk and chair one-inch taller.'

Retirement Issues

"I'm the ghost of your future retirement."

'Stare at it all you want sir, but I can assure you, no one is going to jump out and yell 'April Fools.'

"The real trick will be enjoying retirement long enough before the Government goes belly up."

'I re-invested what was left of my 401K into returnable pop cans. I figure by the time I retire I should have about three dollars.'

'No, I'm not into astronomy. That telescope is for you to see your new parking spot.'

'Sorry I can't pay your pension until I see gray hair. . . Oh yes, and you also get disability.'

"My inner child just turned 62. Where's his money?"

"I think the idea behind coin collecting is to get one of each kind, not all of the same kind!"

"Walter Thruggins, My Life as a Pensions Adviser."

'I just can't believe the amount of packaging there is these days.'

"I keep my savings under my mattress. It's the only way I'll ever be able to retire on my money."