Package Ponderer Gifts

If the world is getting smaller. . .how come the postal rated keep going up?

A sardine can combined with a cornucopia.

"Dave, could you hold on a sec while I take care of some personal business?"

"Today we'll examine that age old question of robot accomplishment: programming or processor?"

"Of course you can't put your finger on it. It's a hypothetical particle."

'Marry me, and make me the happiest man in the world.' 'You want BOTH?!'

'Our basic package is no frills, no chew toys, no extra Kibbles, and narry a pat on the head from management...'

"It drives me MAD when people whine about the amount top management get paid. . ."

How do you fell about buying your own health insurance?

'In other words, statistics prove that statisticians aren't always right.'

Time, Temp, Today's Neutrino Mass

"We're studying the legal principles of 'crossing a heart and hoping to die'."

'Dang it, nothing but junk mail'

Are you aware? The Higgs Boson was thought to exist even through no one had seen it!

'No, I'm not into astronomy. That telescope is for you to see your new parking spot.'

The mysterious world of ligand substitution

Dr. McPhee discovers the Embarrassment Particle.

'I proved that when you start to count your blessings, you find that they're infinite.'

'I just can't believe the amount of packaging there is these days.'

Entropy Seminar.

Six months later they would be sharing the Nobel Prize, but for now all they could do was stare in amazement at what they had discovered...two incredibly well preserved specimens from the styrofoam age.'

'Can I trust a Doctor whose prescriptions have absolutely no side effects?'

"I want my job back."

A cool proposal

A tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it.

Physicists at the Fourth Grotschlov Conference assembled to determine once and for all if light is a wave or a particle.

'We don't have a health plan, but we have a very nice cemetery right out in the churchyard.'

"Hello! - Have you ever thought about changing your energy supplier..?"

"Well, you've fianlly done it! No more rainforest left!"

To avoid malnutrition, throw away the contents and eat the package.

'Wait! Tell me again about the 'excessive gas and oily discharge'?'

Man has drug cabinet labelled 'Safe Drugs' and 'Not Sure Drugs'.

"Actually we were hoping for something a little more sensible..."

'I'm dubious. Neutrinos may be bigger than we thought, but they're not that big.'