Postal Ponderer Gifts

"I know it's fifty-five cents to mail, young man. How much to get it delivered?"

'What - No lift?!'

'It's the latest Catalogue of Errors. And they've sent it to the wrong address.'

US Mail Bag and Empty Scale are equal weight.

"The universe will either continue expanding at its present rate, expand at a slower rate, or begin to contract. None of this, however, can explain why it sometimes takes four days to get a letter from Chicago."

Periodically, Sadie Cohen gets jacked up on caffeine, then goes to the US post office. Once she gets to the counter, she starts chatting and asks endless questions, stopping up the line for hours, frustrating to no end the people behind her. It's her favorite practical joke and, frankly, one of the darkest things the human eye can witness. Enjoy! What's your opinion of the two-day certified mail to Wichita? Move it, lady!

I love your blouse. Where'd you get it? Wait a second. You're stalling. You're holding up the line. You're

Pizza Palazzo. Relax - It's only the post office that's thinking of stopping Saturday delivery!

"May I still use my forever stamps?"

'Dang it, nothing but junk mail'

Sending the Christmas cards.

'I'm a little confused Dear, am I supposed to be actioning the post of posting an action?'

U.S. Post Office: Local, Out of Town, How Should We Know?

Mailwoman looks at mailboxes marked Mail - Spam.

"We should disguise our mail as bills. Because that's the only mail that is never late."

"Look at all that junk mail! I knew I shouldn't have filled out that questionnaire yesterday."

"Counsel for prose is overruled. Poetry, you may continue."

"Exactly how undecided would you say you were at this precise moment?"

"Today we'll examine that age old question of robot accomplishment: programming or processor?"

"Of course you can't put your finger on it. It's a hypothetical particle."

'Euro's down against the pound, dollars up against yen, pound is... what the hell don't expect cheap meals in France!'

'In other words, statistics prove that statisticians aren't always right.'

'We're the Meeks and we're here to see about our inheritance of the Earth.'

Time, Temp, Today's Neutrino Mass

A sardine can combined with a cornucopia.

Are you aware? The Higgs Boson was thought to exist even through no one had seen it!

'Well that's a load off my mind. Osborne's cutting the 50p tax rate.'

"Will you be passing a mailbox?"

"Just junk mail."

'Today, stocks dropped on poll numbers that 60% of people expected it to drop.'

The mysterious world of ligand substitution

'Do you ever wonder about this whole 'money' thing?'

Dr. McPhee discovers the Embarrassment Particle.

'I proved that when you start to count your blessings, you find that they're infinite.'

Six months later they would be sharing the Nobel Prize, but for now all they could do was stare in amazement at what they had discovered...two incredibly well preserved specimens from the styrofoam age.'