Packaging Ponderer Gifts

'I just can't believe the amount of packaging there is these days.'

To avoid malnutrition, throw away the contents and eat the package.

We're cutting down on packaging...so open wide!

"Dave, could you hold on a sec while I take care of some personal business?"

"All I take anymore is mushrooms for my anxiety, ketamine for my depression, and ibuprofen for the goblins constantly eating my feet."

"Today we'll examine that age old question of robot accomplishment: programming or processor?"

"If He didn't want us to eat it, why'd He wrap the whole thing in bacon?"

'Marry me, and make me the happiest man in the world.' 'You want BOTH?!'

'Our basic package is no frills, no chew toys, no extra Kibbles, and narry a pat on the head from management...'

"It drives me MAD when people whine about the amount top management get paid. . ."

How do you fell about buying your own health insurance?

'Jerry, The Hermans take the same pharmaceuticals we do!'

A sardine can combined with a cornucopia.

'U.S. Manufacturing'

'Dang it, nothing but junk mail'

'No, I'm not into astronomy. That telescope is for you to see your new parking spot.'

"Will you be passing a mailbox?"

Six months later they would be sharing the Nobel Prize, but for now all they could do was stare in amazement at what they had discovered...two incredibly well preserved specimens from the styrofoam age.'

"Hey, way to go! You invented both the disease AND the cure!"

'Are you a hypochondriac who has everything but your regular placebo isn't doing the job? Talk to your doctor about the new extra-strength placebo.'

Fruits and vegetables

'We don't have a health plan, but we have a very nice cemetery right out in the churchyard.'

A tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it.

A cool proposal

"We need a product that works like aspirin, but is a lot more expensive to buy."

'I'm just a struggling actor. Your insurance policy doesn't cover a real doctor.'

"Actually we were hoping for something a little more sensible..."

'Will this make me feel as happy as the people in the commercial?'

"Tim, I'm having a problem with your marriage proposal."

Mailwoman looks at mailboxes marked Mail - Spam.

'Oh, no - that's just the prototype.'

"We should mention a few mild side effects. If here are none at all, people will be suspicious."

"The universe will either continue expanding at its present rate, expand at a slower rate, or begin to contract. None of this, however, can explain why it sometimes takes four days to get a letter from Chicago."