Tax Ponderer Gifts

I wondre, is the little woman still claiming me on her income taxes?

'Well that's a load off my mind. Osborne's cutting the 50p tax rate.'

'To be or not to be . . . contingent on royal funding.'

Schrodinger's Black Box

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

'The economy being what it is, we've had to make a few changes in your retirement plan. . .'

"People are looking for stability in pension arrangements..."

"Quantum Physics"? How am I going to learn all of this stuff? A bit at a time?

"Apparently over 50% of people never look at their pension plans!"

"What if Newton came up with a different idea from a fallen apple."

"You never actually own a pension pot - you merely look after it for the next government."

"Of course you can't put your finger on it. It's a hypothetical particle."

'There must be some way we can capitalize on that damn boson.'

"I just learned that my golden parachute was not properly packed."

'Retirement is OK, but instead of looking forword to weekends, I'm working at McDonalds.'

"The central digital platform is temporarily renamed Project Schrödinger’s Cat. Until it is accessed on the 24th February it both is and is not a working system."

'When bad 401ks happen to good people'

Passing the Pension Time Bomb

"Here's your paycheck. I hope we'll both find it amusing."

'I've figured out a way to lower your income tax...give you less income.'

Time, Temp, Today's Neutrino Mass

Star Trek-the Older Generation. . .

'Just one God? - But won't he be outnumbered?'

'Dang it, nothing but junk mail'

Retirement Issues

'No raise, but we can make your desk and chair one-inch taller.'

"I'm the ghost of your future retirement."

Are you aware? The Higgs Boson was thought to exist even through no one had seen it!

'Stare at it all you want sir, but I can assure you, no one is going to jump out and yell 'April Fools.'

Fracking Zone - Be prepared for anything.

'It's not worth worrying about. There's nothing you can do about it. No two quarks in a small region can occupy the same quantum-mechanical state.'

"The real trick will be enjoying retirement long enough before the Government goes belly up."

'I re-invested what was left of my 401K into returnable pop cans. I figure by the time I retire I should have about three dollars.'

'Today, stocks dropped on poll numbers that 60% of people expected it to drop.'

"Will you be passing a mailbox?"