Financial Ponderer Gifts

Why College Costs So Much 101.

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

'I vote we hang the darn thing upside down and go home!'

'Can he call you back? He's taking time to stop and smell the profits.'

Annual profits,

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

"As you can see, sales have been a little erratic lately..."

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

'The economy being what it is, we've had to make a few changes in your retirement plan. . .'

'The organizational structure is pretty simple: We do the work; they take the credit.'

"At least we are consistently inconsistent."

"People are looking for stability in pension arrangements..."

"Apparently over 50% of people never look at their pension plans!"

Totalitarian Humour

'Perkins, you really know to suck the joy out of a 3rd quarter report.'

'At least I don't have his life.'

Annual Stockholders' Meeting: Take some tissues.

'Maybe we need new profit charts?'

"You never actually own a pension pot - you merely look after it for the next government."

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

'The growing disparity of income is a tribute to our acumen.'

"We could try 'gravity' as an excuse."

"I just learned that my golden parachute was not properly packed."

"Profits. Good thing or the greatest thing?"

'Retirement is OK, but instead of looking forword to weekends, I'm working at McDonalds.'

business

'For P.R. purposes, let's use the phrase, 'uncanny luck' rather than 'dumb luck'.'

'This isn't a non-profit-making organization you know! Or at least, it wasn't until you started working here!'

"It's not just me, Dad. Amazon.com has never made a cent, either."

"Of course it's only prediction, we can't guarantee anything."

"Life isn't fair, and that's what makes it fun."

'It's nice but will it be a hedge against inflation.'

'I'm a 100% consistent investor. I buy bonds when I should buy stocks when I should buy bonds.'

'After months of analysing, we found out how to stop your downgoing profits: just find more customers who want to buy your products.'

'When bad 401ks happen to good people'