Financial Ponderer Pillows

Why College Costs So Much 101.

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

'I vote we hang the darn thing upside down and go home!'

'Can he call you back? He's taking time to stop and smell the profits.'

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

"As you can see, sales have been a little erratic lately..."

'The economy being what it is, we've had to make a few changes in your retirement plan. . .'

'The organizational structure is pretty simple: We do the work; they take the credit.'

"At least we are consistently inconsistent."

"Apparently over 50% of people never look at their pension plans!"

'Perkins, you really know to suck the joy out of a 3rd quarter report.'

Totalitarian Humour

"People are looking for stability in pension arrangements..."

'At least I don't have his life.'

Annual Stockholders' Meeting: Take some tissues.

"You never actually own a pension pot - you merely look after it for the next government."

'Maybe we need new profit charts?'

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

'The growing disparity of income is a tribute to our acumen.'

"We could try 'gravity' as an excuse."

"Profits. Good thing or the greatest thing?"

"I just learned that my golden parachute was not properly packed."

"Of course it's only prediction, we can't guarantee anything."

"Life isn't fair, and that's what makes it fun."

business

'For P.R. purposes, let's use the phrase, 'uncanny luck' rather than 'dumb luck'.'

'This isn't a non-profit-making organization you know! Or at least, it wasn't until you started working here!'

'It's nice but will it be a hedge against inflation.'

'I'm a 100% consistent investor. I buy bonds when I should buy stocks when I should buy bonds.'

Passing the Pension Time Bomb

'I think I know what the problem is!'

'When bad 401ks happen to good people'