Tax Troubles Ponderer Gifts

'I have trouble sleeping worrying about the alternative minimum tax.'

'A short economics test - if you bought something for

'The only certainties in life are birth, death, taxes, and stock market uncertainty.'

'Would you like your dividend in pennies, nickels or bitcoin?'

"If that income is personal, why do I have to tell you about it"?

'Turn your thinking cap around, Robert.'

"I'm home, with all my DNA."

Bumper Limos

'Well that's a load off my mind. Osborne's cutting the 50p tax rate.'

"May I say, sir, the staff and I just knew you'd see through that Beaujolais."

'Do you ever wonder about this whole 'money' thing?'

"I think the idea behind coin collecting is to get one of each kind, not all of the same kind!"

Al, you look nonplussed. I just heard that they discovered a new astrological sign, and my birthday now falls under the sign of the jackass.

"Under the new tax plan, do we get it in the neck more or less than under the old tax plan?"

'The mind-body problem is best expressed in the formulation...OOf!'

'I'm sorry, sir, but this particular loophole is only for the use of Federal employees.'

'Am I covered if a car falls on my tree?'

"What happens to our soul if we're taxed out of existence."

'To be or not to be . . . contingent on royal funding.'

Tax confusion.

Well at least we can handle these rocks.

"Lessee ... I suppose my current income is around ... "

Mountains and Molehills

'Is capital punishment the same as wealth tax?'

'I just had a terrible thought. What if we run out of things to tax in our lifetime.'

Good roads, Infrastructure Inspection, Repair.

Hmmm... what's my real purpose? Why am I here? - 'Ooh! Ooh! Me! Me! Let me guess!' - 'Go on, then.' - 'Is your life a homage mediocrity?' - 'Ouch.' - 'Quizzes are fun! Ask me more!' -

Do you have a problem?. . . Continue on as usual.

'You say you were trying to squirm your way out of an audit?'

IRS. They are both inevitable but at least the IRS grants extensions.

I used to feel empty and worthless around that heavy guy, too, until I realized, hey, he's just full of pennies!

'This is Ferguson... He don't hate the boss, he don't hate his job, he don't hate the government, he don't hate his wife... You better not trust him.'

'Taxes? They're a penalty for doing well.'

Me Doing My Taxes

"The only thing I've learned from my mistakes is that apparently I'll keep making them."