Tax Puzzler Gifts

'Care to hear about a millionaire who makes over a million dollars a week and pays no income tax?'

'He's trying to persuade the Inland Revenue that it's a tax haven.'

'Which scares you most - Iran, North Korea, or the alternative minimum tax?'

'I'd like to think they contribute because it's the right thing to do, but I'm not above a short sermon on tax deductibility.'

'I'm not experienced, but I have a PhD in Byzantine history.'

'Then he smiled and his very last words were 'Now the inland revenue will never find out!''

'Professor Blaupunkt's research, funded by the I.R.S., is to find any signs of taxes on other planets.'

I spent it all under the silly notion that it was all mine.

'It only made sense for us to finally merge.'

'You won't have me as a deduction anymore.'

"He's ready for you now. Don't forget to ask for the job at the end of the interview."

'Thank you for calling the IRS... Press one for laughter in the background, press two for crying in the background.'

'I.R.S short form.'

"Have I met my deductible yet?"

"I've never objected to paying tax... as long as it's other people paying."

'I can't play -- I'm being audited.'

"When you said meet me at your workplace, I assumed you had an office!"

'Ethelred - What we're offering is the chance to consolidate all your Danegeld payments into one manageable lump sum.'

"We take a very dim view of these kind of tax evasion tactics, Mr. Jones!"

IRS, 'You were wrong -- they WEREN'T more afraid of me than I was of them.'

'I can't tell him you're not here, nitwit, your silhouetted on the window!'

"I'm a surrogate birth mother for hire. How do I claim my income?"

Tax Loopty Loopholes

Zero rated for VAT.

'Look, people are basically honest and decent. Why don't we scrap the tax laws completely and have the people pay whatever they think is fair?'

Tax Man Deducts A Witch's Broom As A Travel Expense

Me Doing My Taxes

Accounting department: Taxable income/Deferred Income/Loophole Research and Development.

'Your money? -- does it or does it not have 'United States Treasury' printed on it?'

"I've got problems with the IRS. I haven't filed in seven years."

'Dr. Jekyll, how well do you know this Mr. Hyde who prepared your taxes?'

"Remember, if I blink three times, then run for it."

'You may march to a different drummer, but you still have to pay the same piper.'