Patriotic Punster Gifts

''The consent of the governed'? -- that could be a deal-breaker.'

"O.K., now can you make like a million little tiny ones?"

The less celebrated, but still spectacular, combover eagle.

British savings accounts

"My dad says we eat honey 'cause it has lots of vitamin Bee."

''...And defend the Constitution of the United States.' -- And now, I'd like to pardon the following Illinois politicians....'

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

"Anachronism or not, it just ain't the fourth without the ribs and Willie Nelson."

"Ladies first. Actually, it's safety first. But ladies are definitely a close second."

I think you're ace

"We live in the golden age of fake news, alternative facts and spin control. Your resume is too truthful."

Dogs life

Kick Me! (sign on an anthropomorphized soccer ball)

Under New Management. Actually, Betsy, we were hoping for a flag with a little more style.

World Cup Fever

Uncle Donnie

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

'Well, if you're going to order 'left wings' and I'm going to order 'right,' maybe we should just order burgers instead.'

"Beat it! Here comes the major and his entire staff!"

"Igor, you fool! I said 'healthy brain'!"

Small country advertisng at the Olympics

"Let's not try to make this symbolic. Of anything."

"We'll just have the loaves and fishes. . ."

Bitter End

Ask Sadie. Dear Sadie, I am 62 years old and was fired from my job of 22 years just before xmas 2010. What should I do? Sincerely, Irene. Attack! Stop! Enough, Sadie. Haven't you been listening? The mean-spirited, virulent partisanship of talk show hosts must end. People were hurt and some died. Aren't you the ultimate partisan, you coot? That's different lady! Fasten your seatbelts.

'Gluten-free manna will come in the second salvo.'

'I'd never bite the hand that feeds me - but I won't pull its finger, either.'

"Read me the one about Ali Obama and the Forty Community Organizers."

Statue of Liberty: Out of Service

"No, I'm not a hare, I just happen to have big ears..."

'I was all ready to deal with the military, but I never expected an IRS coup!'

Statistics Research: You Can Fool 45% of the People 55% of the time, but you can't fool all the people all the time.

'Scientists claim they have found the 'God Particle'. In a related story, they are still looking for the 'Job Creator Particle'.'

'When I said I was going to resign my contract, I meant re-sign my contract for another five years!'

I wonder who's Kissinger now?