Parenting Whiz Gifts

"What did I tell you about destroying Mommy's inner balance?"

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

'What's play?'

Suffering from Cooties?

"We're ecstatic about our new au pair."

L'il Buckaroo on Board.

"Is there a vegan option?"

"The moral of the story, honey, is that being a celebrity does not make you a credible children’s book author."

"Winning isn't everything, Josh. Not being the reason your team loses is everything."

"I have a new program that draws from his energy to power all our computers and phones. We should be good for the next 10 years."

I love my family!

Growth Charts

"Young man, go to your room and stay there until your cerebral cortex matures."

'Am I looking sad or happy in the appropriate places?'

"Can you turn these mashed potatoes into french fries?"

'You the one who called Amnesty International?'

Six-tier Communal Cradle.

"It's true, mommy...the chocolate bunny attacked me - it was self-defense!"

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Playing Mozart to the baby.

"Migration? I love chasing the endless summer, but travelling such distances with kids is exhausting..."

"How is it gendered?"

Toddler Feeding Solutions

'Is it okay to apologize for something I'm going to do?'

"Yes, he was very nice, Mom, but he had to cut the date short because it was... 'report card time'!"

"This is System One and I am holding the beta for System Two."

'They're just adorable at this age - before they develop a personality.'

The AdRams Family no.13 - Exams

"Adorable. Is yours a rescue too?"

Early childhood development

"You're developing a nice, rich compost down here."

"Damn it, are we flying a spoonful of peas again?"

Crying baby

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: I need backup...NOW!