Child-rearing Wizards Gifts

"I know he's little, but he uses it."

Mom, there's a simple explanation for this...Aliens from outer space.

'Stop pulling that silly face, Dear.'

Well, we thought we had childproofed the house

"But if I don't break stuff who will?"

"I have a new program that draws from his energy to power all our computers and phones. We should be good for the next 10 years."

"Can you turn these mashed potatoes into french fries?"

"Oh look—he fell asleep when you told me about your day."

Buggy with Snowplow.

'Beware of teething baby.'

"I wouldn’t say they’re user-friendly."

'We're beta testing Goo-Goo Glass.'

Pinata good bags.

"Good luck Mr. Bond, you have one minute to diffuse this tantrum."

'Wow, Mom, how long has he been in time-out?'

'Hey, Dad. We learned all about the Kama Sutra at school today... Oh no, not the Kama Sutra, I mean The Magna Carta.'

"Being a parent is like being in prison. . . except we don't get the hour of exercise."

Woman feeding baby is covered in food.

'I'm about to have a tantrum. What are you doing?'

'These are very powerful tranquilizers for when your teen has he horrific tantrums. Take two of them anytime she flares up.'

'It just says strange things happened after she ate the wafers. It doesn't mention their street value.'

I mean, do I set the oven at 400'? 450'? How long do I keep them in? Do I turn them halfway through cooking? Oh, if only children came with instructions.

"Sergio, I think you've done a great job raising the children."

"She cries when I give it to her, she cries when I take it away."

"I changed my mind – no more kids."

"Noah, I'm tired of doing battle with you!"

"He keeps touching me!"

Mom and Dad Really Lose It - 1/4 Mile.

Responsibility

Chip and Fran Cooper: The Most Embarrassing Parents in the World.

"This ride is for parents and their kids."

'Getting other people's toddler's leftovers on a highchair is one thing, but getting their toddler, too, is another.'

Witch's child wants to ride mechanical broom.

'We won't know how many diapers it takes to soak up a bathtub full of water until we get more diapers.'

"Don't worry. I'll be right back. I just need a little space."