Child-rearing Wizards Pillows

"I know he's little, but he uses it."

Mom, there's a simple explanation for this...Aliens from outer space.

'Stop pulling that silly face, Dear.'

"But if I don't break stuff who will?"

"I have a new program that draws from his energy to power all our computers and phones. We should be good for the next 10 years."

"Can you turn these mashed potatoes into french fries?"

"Oh look—he fell asleep when you told me about your day."

'Beware of teething baby.'

Buggy with Snowplow.

"I wouldn’t say they’re user-friendly."

'We're beta testing Goo-Goo Glass.'

"Being a parent is like being in prison. . . except we don't get the hour of exercise."

Woman feeding baby is covered in food.

'Hey, Dad. We learned all about the Kama Sutra at school today... Oh no, not the Kama Sutra, I mean The Magna Carta.'

'Wow, Mom, how long has he been in time-out?'

"Good luck Mr. Bond, you have one minute to diffuse this tantrum."

'I'm about to have a tantrum. What are you doing?'

'These are very powerful tranquilizers for when your teen has he horrific tantrums. Take two of them anytime she flares up.'

"He keeps touching me!"

"Noah, I'm tired of doing battle with you!"

"I changed my mind – no more kids."

'It just says strange things happened after she ate the wafers. It doesn't mention their street value.'

"Sergio, I think you've done a great job raising the children."

"She cries when I give it to her, she cries when I take it away."

Mom and Dad Really Lose It - 1/4 Mile.

Chip and Fran Cooper: The Most Embarrassing Parents in the World.

'We won't know how many diapers it takes to soak up a bathtub full of water until we get more diapers.'

'Getting other people's toddler's leftovers on a highchair is one thing, but getting their toddler, too, is another.'

"This ride is for parents and their kids."

"Don't worry. I'll be right back. I just need a little space."

Responsibility

'Hello, parental support hotline? I was able to rise up and become super Mom. How do I get back down?'