Parenting Wizards Pillows

"Can you turn these mashed potatoes into french fries?"

"I'll tell you what: I'll clean up your room, you clean up my laptop."

Chip and Fran Cooper: The Most Embarrassing Parents in the World.

"My kid's a holy terror... no offense."

Mom, there's a simple explanation for this...Aliens from outer space.

"Will you be putting her in day care or bringing her up artisanally?"

'Stop pulling that silly face, Dear.'

"That's it young man. . . No more energy drinks for you!"

'We'll need lots of nappy changes today, the T. V. just said it's going to be wet and windy.'

"But if I don't break stuff who will?"

'I'm not spoiled - I always smell like this.'

"I have a new program that draws from his energy to power all our computers and phones. We should be good for the next 10 years."

Grounded

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'Sitting Up'

"Has your mom tried turning him off and back on again?"

'You've got the Vietnam 1000 yard stare. All new parents get it!'

'If Mom says no, you ask Dad -- it's called the 'checks and balances' system.'

Buggy with Snowplow.

'Beware of teething baby.'

'If Mom says no, you ask Dad -- it's called the 'checks and balances' system.'

'We're beta testing Goo-Goo Glass.'

Woman telling her husband not to swear in front of the baby.

"Be afraid to try new things!"

"No, I wasn't in a car accident. As a new parent, I'm still trying not to trip on all the toys on the floor."

Woman feeding baby is covered in food.

"'Parent' should always be an action verb."

'Wow, Mom, how long has he been in time-out?'

"Being a parent is like being in prison. . . except we don't get the hour of exercise."

'Hey, Dad. We learned all about the Kama Sutra at school today... Oh no, not the Kama Sutra, I mean The Magna Carta.'

"Jackson Pollock's diaper"

"Good luck Mr. Bond, you have one minute to diffuse this tantrum."

"The time has come to talk of many things; of shoes and ships and sealing wax, of double-entry bookkeeping, too."

'I'm about to have a tantrum. What are you doing?'