Parenting Wizards Gifts

"Can you turn these mashed potatoes into french fries?"

"I'll tell you what: I'll clean up your room, you clean up my laptop."

Chip and Fran Cooper: The Most Embarrassing Parents in the World.

'Are you finished eating yet, sweetie?...Guess that answers THAT question!'

"My kid's a holy terror... no offense."

"Will you be putting her in day care or bringing her up artisanally?"

Mom, there's a simple explanation for this...Aliens from outer space.

'We'll need lots of nappy changes today, the T. V. just said it's going to be wet and windy.'

Well, we thought we had childproofed the house

"That's it young man. . . No more energy drinks for you!"

'Stop pulling that silly face, Dear.'

"But if I don't break stuff who will?"

Grounded

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'Sitting Up'

"I have a new program that draws from his energy to power all our computers and phones. We should be good for the next 10 years."

'I'm not spoiled - I always smell like this.'

That's my daughter, Alayna

'Tommy's doing fine. I'm concerned about your poor fund-raising record. You sold only two magazine subscriptions and one measly candy bar.'

"Has your mom tried turning him off and back on again?"

'You've got the Vietnam 1000 yard stare. All new parents get it!'

Buggy with Snowplow.

'If Mom says no, you ask Dad -- it's called the 'checks and balances' system.'

'Beware of teething baby.'

Woman telling her husband not to swear in front of the baby.

'We're beta testing Goo-Goo Glass.'

'If Mom says no, you ask Dad -- it's called the 'checks and balances' system.'

"Be afraid to try new things!"

"Being a parent is like being in prison. . . except we don't get the hour of exercise."

Woman feeding baby is covered in food.

"No, I wasn't in a car accident. As a new parent, I'm still trying not to trip on all the toys on the floor."

"Good luck Mr. Bond, you have one minute to diffuse this tantrum."

"'Parent' should always be an action verb."

"Jackson Pollock's diaper"

"The time has come to talk of many things; of shoes and ships and sealing wax, of double-entry bookkeeping, too."

'Hey, Dad. We learned all about the Kama Sutra at school today... Oh no, not the Kama Sutra, I mean The Magna Carta.'