Parenting Wizard Gifts

"Any gin in that basket?"

"Brad? This is your congressman. Get Mommy on the phone, please."

Come to my party

'I'm booked solid!'

'Why can't I spend more quality time with the TV set?'

'Wow, Mom, how long has he been in time-out?'

'I can't seem to connect with my son... He keeps ducking.'

'Your stork story got me to thinking, Dad -- wouldn't it be simpler if people just did it like dogs and cats do?'

'Did you feel that??'

"I have a new program that draws from his energy to power all our computers and phones. We should be good for the next 10 years."

City Zoo: Day Care

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."

"They grow up so fast."

"Someone once told me that kids grow up so quickly. I hope there's some truth to that."

The Baby Walker

A baby duck in a tiny car seat on the mother duck's back.

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

Gifts for a cloned baby!

'Still having a hard time finding day care?'

"Guys, can you use your Mommy-doesn't-want-to-know-I-exist voices?"

A mother and baby elephant

"It's a new work-out video. It shows a mother chasing after three little children all day."

'That reminds me, the seat broke on mine. I must make time to get it repaired.'

"One of the advantages of working from home is the free tech support."

"They followed me home from school - can I keep 'em?"

'Well, he's definitely got your nose...'

'As you can see, it's too late for a termination...Baby is capable of surviving outside the womb...'

Now Simon would have nightmares about his mother's failing eyesight.

'Everything I say to you goes in one ear and out the other.'

My 5-year-old nephew cut his hair! His mom was so upset until she thought: 'Wait a minute! I just saved 12 bucks!'

"No more diapers. Simply lift the lid and go here."

Believe it or not: Once upon a time Dads couldn't even boil water.

"Oh, Frank, look! He's sending his first tweet!"

Something tells me it's not going to be a good school report!