Parenting Wizard Gifts

"Any gin in that basket?"

"Brad? This is your congressman. Get Mommy on the phone, please."

Come to my party

'I'm booked solid!'

'Why can't I spend more quality time with the TV set?'

'Wow, Mom, how long has he been in time-out?'

'I can't seem to connect with my son... He keeps ducking.'

'Your stork story got me to thinking, Dad -- wouldn't it be simpler if people just did it like dogs and cats do?'

'Did you feel that??'

"I have a new program that draws from his energy to power all our computers and phones. We should be good for the next 10 years."

City Zoo: Day Care

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."

"Someone once told me that kids grow up so quickly. I hope there's some truth to that."

"They grow up so fast."

A baby duck in a tiny car seat on the mother duck's back.

The Baby Walker

Sounds that various toys make when they are vacuumed up.

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

Gifts for a cloned baby!

'Still having a hard time finding day care?'

"Guys, can you use your Mommy-doesn't-want-to-know-I-exist voices?"

A mother and baby elephant

'That reminds me, the seat broke on mine. I must make time to get it repaired.'

"It's a new work-out video. It shows a mother chasing after three little children all day."

"One of the advantages of working from home is the free tech support."

'Well, he's definitely got your nose...'

'As you can see, it's too late for a termination...Baby is capable of surviving outside the womb...'

"They followed me home from school - can I keep 'em?"

Now Simon would have nightmares about his mother's failing eyesight.

'Everything I say to you goes in one ear and out the other.'

Something tells me it's not going to be a good school report!

"No more diapers. Simply lift the lid and go here."

My 5-year-old nephew cut his hair! His mom was so upset until she thought: 'Wait a minute! I just saved 12 bucks!'

"Oh, Frank, look! He's sending his first tweet!"