Parenting Strategist Gifts

"It's your job to work hard and get good grades, David. It's my job to make your mother laugh."

'It's simple, really - unless and until all our demands are met, we keep crying.'

"I liked recess a lot better before the safety helmets."

Ice cream flavors.

"I've got him on vibrate."

"He just threatened to put us in a nursing home this time and I think he means it this time...."

'Before you look at that, you should know I found an old report card of yours in the attic.'

'Relax, the most important thing is that he drinks his milk, not how.'

'Right that covers nutritional theory in the socio-economic context of class structure in a eurocentric and essentially homophobic culture, now if one of you could take a tit out we'll do a practical.'

"He says he no longer recognizes our mandate."

'We have two classes - first and children.'

'I do set limits. For example, he wasn't allowed to use the tablet computer until after he downloaded a potty training app.'

"Oh yes, you have to keep an eye on them All the time!"

"Can you tell me a story?"

Video games distract from school studies

For Their Own Good.

"...Under this partnership your parenting will be much more efficiently managed."

"Mom is monitoring her stress level, you thrive in a nuturing environment, so why did you assail, bite and maul parts of Mrs Callaghan's face?"

'Tom, I warned you that the next fight you got into, I was going to apply economic sanctions on your allowance.'

"Remember - kindergarten is an excellent opportunity to make connections for first grade."

'This whole 'grandparent' thing -- it's our parents and children conspiring against us!'

Chemical Free Kids.

'No, the Patriot Act doesn't make it all right for you to read your sister's diary!'

'It may be the calm before the storm, but I'll take it.'

"Just Remember, Sweetie - Fight The Biggest One First."

"You're mothers on the war path again"

'The General won't be able to make it ,sir -he can't get a babysitter.'

'When mom went to work for us, did you ask for references?'

'If Mom says no, you ask Dad -- it's called the 'checks and balances' system.'

A Modern Madonna

"Will you be putting her in day care or bringing her up artisanally?"

'Son, your mom and me are sick of bearing a capriciously, pubescent teenager. We decided to change you into a goldfish.'

'If Mom says no, you ask Dad -- it's called the 'checks and balances' system.'

"From a risk management point of view, Mummy must urge you to eat your spinach."

"But I am an engaged parent. Just the other day, I helped one of the kids with his or her homework."