Parenting Strategist Pillows

"It's your job to work hard and get good grades, David. It's my job to make your mother laugh."

'It's simple, really - unless and until all our demands are met, we keep crying.'

"I liked recess a lot better before the safety helmets."

Ice cream flavors.

"I've got him on vibrate."

"He just threatened to put us in a nursing home this time and I think he means it this time...."

'Relax, the most important thing is that he drinks his milk, not how.'

Video games distract from school studies

"Can you tell me a story?"

"Oh yes, you have to keep an eye on them All the time!"

'I do set limits. For example, he wasn't allowed to use the tablet computer until after he downloaded a potty training app.'

'We have two classes - first and children.'

'Before you look at that, you should know I found an old report card of yours in the attic.'

"He says he no longer recognizes our mandate."

'Right that covers nutritional theory in the socio-economic context of class structure in a eurocentric and essentially homophobic culture, now if one of you could take a tit out we'll do a practical.'

'It may be the calm before the storm, but I'll take it.'

For Their Own Good.

'No, the Patriot Act doesn't make it all right for you to read your sister's diary!'

Chemical Free Kids.

"...Under this partnership your parenting will be much more efficiently managed."

'This whole 'grandparent' thing -- it's our parents and children conspiring against us!'

"Mom is monitoring her stress level, you thrive in a nuturing environment, so why did you assail, bite and maul parts of Mrs Callaghan's face?"

"Remember - kindergarten is an excellent opportunity to make connections for first grade."

'Tom, I warned you that the next fight you got into, I was going to apply economic sanctions on your allowance.'

'If Mom says no, you ask Dad -- it's called the 'checks and balances' system.'

"Will you be putting her in day care or bringing her up artisanally?"

'Son, your mom and me are sick of bearing a capriciously, pubescent teenager. We decided to change you into a goldfish.'

A Modern Madonna

'If Mom says no, you ask Dad -- it's called the 'checks and balances' system.'

'When mom went to work for us, did you ask for references?'

"You're mothers on the war path again"

"Just Remember, Sweetie - Fight The Biggest One First."

'The General won't be able to make it ,sir -he can't get a babysitter.'

Mom and Pop tell you how to run your life!

'Tommy, please come and open this child-proof bottle for me...'