Family Strategist Pillows

'I've made our family emergency disaster plan. In the event your family visits, I evacuate!'

The sandwich generation

"Where there's a will...there are relatives!"

'It's our 10 year plan.'

'Whenever I get a good test grade I show it to my mother. Whenever I get a bad test grade, I show it to my grandma.'

'Text your father and tell him I'm not talking to him!'

'I'm married with five children.' - 'Sorry, we're looking for someone with sound judgement.'

'Sure raising my allowance is great, daddy but what I really want is power of attorney!!

'Dad, I know that I should follow the chain of authority, but I'm going over your head by asking Mum if I can stay up late.'

'Dad, I don't need a two-thirds majority to over-ride your veto. I've got mom.'

By teaching the parrot a few key phrases, Marilyn no longer needs to nag her kids.

"Your good cop, bad cop routine isn't working."

"Looks like it'll be a little while before I assume the family CEO position."

"I refuse to commit to an afternoon at your mother's without a viable exit strategy."

"You call yourself a pest removal expert? Well, my son is still living in my basement."

"The divorce came through . . . I get to keep the kids."

"Will it be all mine soon, dad?"

'The work of a master.'

'Attention everybody. Your father has his game plan for homeland security.'

'Except...That.'

'Mom said not to ask Dad for money 'til after he's had his dinner.'

"I need more time to study your decision."

'Ask your father first, dear, then we'll plan our strategy.'

'We can't move in with my parents - they've moved in with grandma!'

'He's my father and I say we dump him pricate...!'

'Hostile takeovers don't faze me. I have three teenage kids back home.'

I'll be gone soon, but I've thought of you all in my will... I wonder if it'll be enough to get the loft done?

"If we both cry they'll become powerless."

Uncle talking to nephew about money

The best way to handle parents is to get them into jurisdictional disputes.

Where did you hide my laptop? Hint: You'll never find it. So obvious, dad. Under his dirty laundry. No chores all week if you don't tell.

I figured out how we can pay for the kids' college tuitions. Do tell. I'm going to leave for a year of self-discovery, which I will chronicle in a best-selling memoir. Oh, but

"Does anyone second the motion to make family meetings more informal?"

"I have a feeling he understands more than we think."

"Will you be putting her in day care or bringing her up artisanally?"