Family Life Strategist Pillows

"We're waiting to have children until we feel our parents are comfortable enough in retirement to take care of them."

"Will you be putting her in day care or bringing her up artisanally?"

"I have a feeling he understands more than we think."

'Change is inevitable, espeically when you have a newborn in diapers."

"I'm just going to ring the doorbell so I have a chance of a spot in the bed."

'If Mom says no, you ask Dad -- it's called the 'checks and balances' system.'

'Dad, I don't need a two-thirds majority to over-ride your veto. I've got mom.'

"The time has come to talk of many things; of shoes and ships and sealing wax, of double-entry bookkeeping, too."

'We can't move in with my parents - they've moved in with grandma!'

"Mommy is having another baby. Let me assure you that any paradigm shift will be incremental, core values remain family-centric, and Mommy is committed to assimilation and building synergy."

"I know he's little, but he uses it."

"Let's split up the jobs for taking care of the baby. I'll take care of what goes in to him. . . you take care of what goes out!"

"Sergio, I think you've done a great job raising the children."

"When can I redeploy?"

"I'm not trying to change you. That's the personal trainer I hired's job."

"It's your job to work hard and get good grades, David. It's my job to make your mother laugh."

'I do set limits. For example, he wasn't allowed to use the tablet computer until after he downloaded a potty training app.'

"Remember - kindergarten is an excellent opportunity to make connections for first grade."

"I like it; but let's make sure we can get the domain name first."

There, but for the grace of God, go I.

'Except...That.'

"My dad put in a new security system."

'When mom went to work for us, did you ask for references?'

"Don't worry, it gets easier when they're 35."

'If Mom says no, you ask Dad -- it's called the 'checks and balances' system.'

'No Jennifer! I never head of mad broccoli disease.'

"I've got him on vibrate."

'Text your father and tell him I'm not talking to him!'

"But I am an engaged parent. Just the other day, I helped one of the kids with his or her homework."

"Don't think of it as being grounded. Think of it as suffering the consequences of your monumental stupidity."

Introducing Guiltpressure.

"Can't you keep your parenting to yourselves?"