Family Strategists Pillows

"Mommy is having another baby. Let me assure you that any paradigm shift will be incremental, core values remain family-centric, and Mommy is committed to assimilation and building synergy."

'Okay, Mum said no, but if we can get to Dad before she has time to brief him, we could still turn this into a yes.'

'This whole 'grandparent' thing -- it's our parents and children conspiring against us!'

"Will you be putting her in day care or bringing her up artisanally?"

"I have a feeling he understands more than we think."

'Change is inevitable, espeically when you have a newborn in diapers."

I figured out how we can pay for the kids' college tuitions. Do tell. I'm going to leave for a year of self-discovery, which I will chronicle in a best-selling memoir. Oh, but

"I'm just going to ring the doorbell so I have a chance of a spot in the bed."

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'Sitting Up'

Grounded

'If Mom says no, you ask Dad -- it's called the 'checks and balances' system.'

'If Mom says no, you ask Dad -- it's called the 'checks and balances' system.'

"The time has come to talk of many things; of shoes and ships and sealing wax, of double-entry bookkeeping, too."

'Dad, I don't need a two-thirds majority to over-ride your veto. I've got mom.'

By teaching the parrot a few key phrases, Marilyn no longer needs to nag her kids.

'We can't move in with my parents - they've moved in with grandma!'

"We've given it a great deal of thought and we decided we're going to give in to everything you want at all times."

"Sergio, I think you've done a great job raising the children."

"When can I redeploy?"

"I know he's little, but he uses it."

"It's your job to work hard and get good grades, David. It's my job to make your mother laugh."

'I do set limits. For example, he wasn't allowed to use the tablet computer until after he downloaded a potty training app.'

"Remember - kindergarten is an excellent opportunity to make connections for first grade."

"I like it; but let's make sure we can get the domain name first."

"Don't worry, it gets easier when they're 35."

'Except...That.'

"My dad put in a new security system."

'If Mom says no, you ask Dad -- it's called the 'checks and balances' system.'

'When mom went to work for us, did you ask for references?'

"I've got him on vibrate."

'Text your father and tell him I'm not talking to him!'

"One moment, sweetie, I'm just asking Google how I should react."

Introducing Guiltpressure.

"I understand that by the time we've hit our teens we'll have them pretty much where we want them."

"Don't think of it as being grounded. Think of it as suffering the consequences of your monumental stupidity."