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"Mommy is having another baby. Let me assure you that any paradigm shift will be incremental, core values remain family-centric, and Mommy is committed to assimilation and building synergy."

'Okay, Mum said no, but if we can get to Dad before she has time to brief him, we could still turn this into a yes.'

'This whole 'grandparent' thing -- it's our parents and children conspiring against us!'

"Will you be putting her in day care or bringing her up artisanally?"

"I'm just going to ring the doorbell so I have a chance of a spot in the bed."

"I have a feeling he understands more than we think."

'Change is inevitable, espeically when you have a newborn in diapers."

Grounded

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'Sitting Up'

'If Mom says no, you ask Dad -- it's called the 'checks and balances' system.'

'If Mom says no, you ask Dad -- it's called the 'checks and balances' system.'

'Dad, I don't need a two-thirds majority to over-ride your veto. I've got mom.'

'We can't move in with my parents - they've moved in with grandma!'

"The time has come to talk of many things; of shoes and ships and sealing wax, of double-entry bookkeeping, too."

"Sergio, I think you've done a great job raising the children."

"We've given it a great deal of thought and we decided we're going to give in to everything you want at all times."

"When can I redeploy?"

"I know he's little, but he uses it."

"It's your job to work hard and get good grades, David. It's my job to make your mother laugh."

'I do set limits. For example, he wasn't allowed to use the tablet computer until after he downloaded a potty training app.'

"Remember - kindergarten is an excellent opportunity to make connections for first grade."

"Don't worry, it gets easier when they're 35."

'If Mom says no, you ask Dad -- it's called the 'checks and balances' system.'

"My dad put in a new security system."

'Except...That.'

'When mom went to work for us, did you ask for references?'

"I like it; but let's make sure we can get the domain name first."

"I've got him on vibrate."

'Text your father and tell him I'm not talking to him!'

"Don't think of it as being grounded. Think of it as suffering the consequences of your monumental stupidity."

"I understand that by the time we've hit our teens we'll have them pretty much where we want them."

"One moment, sweetie, I'm just asking Google how I should react."

Introducing Guiltpressure.

"Can't you keep your parenting to yourselves?"

"But I am an engaged parent. Just the other day, I helped one of the kids with his or her homework."